Look at this, my dear Elmburgers, look at this! The French elites, they are standing there, in the middle of Paris, in their fancy suits, and - can hardly believe it - are being overpowered by bedbugs. Isn't that just delicious?

I, Ronald Tramp, your ever-popular and exceptionally humble President of Elmburg, am speechless, though I am never at a loss for words. I have the best words, as you know. Bedbugs, people, I swear this is not Fake News! They have a crisis there, and it's not the politicians who are on strike, no, it's the tiny bed bugs. Oh là là, who would have thought?

I tell you, if bedbugs even thought of putting their six little legs on our sacred Elmburg territory, they would regret it. We have the best, the very best pest controllers, you know that. They are ready to go into battle with their little spray bottles and defend our land. Would the bed bugs survive that? Maybe. But I tell you, they would regret it!

Just look at how the French politicians are handling the situation. This leftist, Panot, she holds up a bottle full of bedbugs as if she were advertising a perfume. "Eau de Bed Bug", the new aroma of the French parliament. Exquisite, isn't it? And then she demands that insect control become a free, public service. Imagine that, Elmburger! Can you imagine me, your president, ever spending taxpayers' money on tiny insects? Never!

But, oh, the irony! You know what I'd really like to see right now? A bedbug strike! Yes, you heard me right! Those little buggers, they pack their little bug cases and go on strike against the poor working conditions in France. I can already see it: "Too many pesticides!", "Unfair treatment of bedbugs!" and "Bedbugs have rights too!" on their little banners. And me, I'd side with the bedbugs and say, "Yes, you little bloodsuckers, demand your rights!"

And then there's poor, poor Prime Minister Borne justifying herself and saying they have a plan. A PLAN! As if you need a plan with such a ridiculous beast as a bed bug! You don't need a plan, you need a President like Ronald Tramp, one who delivers results, don't you?

You wonderful citizens of Elmburg, I promise you here and now: there will be no bedbugs as long as I am your great leader. We will build walls, unbeatable, invisible walls that will not let any bedbugs through. We might even make them pay for it! And if they dare to bite us, then - oh, then, my friends - they will have a real war.

Rest assured, Elmburgers, under my fantastic leadership your sleep is safe, your beds are safe, and your dreams of a bedbug-free Elmburg are safe. Let us say it loud and clear: Elmburg first, Elmburg forever!

And France, oh, they will beg for advice, they will say, "Please, please, Ronald Tramp, how do you do it? How do you keep Elmburg so bedbug-free and wonderful?" And I'll just smile because, you know, I'm not only the President of Elmburg, I'm also a very, very humble man.