Well, dear citizens, I, Ronald Tramp, your extraordinarily humble President of the incomparable Elmburg, would like to share with you my extremely important thoughts on what is happening in faraway America.

There sits Donald the Trump, a man I'm sure I've never heard of, in his gilded mansion, once again getting caught up in all sorts of completely unfounded scandals. Who would have thought it? Sharing secret information at a dinner conversation is perfectly normal, isn't it? I mean, who among us hasn't chatted over dinner about the number of nuclear warheads on our submarines? Totally human!

These reports about Donald and his rather.... interesting strategy in dealing with national secrets, really folks, isn't that just delicious? Chatting about nukes and proximity to Russian boats is just a guy thing, isn't it? A little dangerous gossip among billionaires can't hurt. It's like playing golf with explosive balls.

But the real cream on this scandalous cake are, of course, the lawyers. Those masters of the legal feint who say, "Our Donald can't be prosecuted because he was the president!" Oh, what a brilliant defence! Here in Elmburg we would have simply called it "creative problem solving". We need to remember this, friends: if you're ever in trouble, just remind everyone how important you are - or at least were.

Well, while here in Elmburg we still fight our political opponents with old-fashioned means like debates and arguments, Donald has developed a much more entertaining strategy. When the accusations come flying in, he gets on his proud steed called Twitter and leads his digital army into battle against the vile enemies: facts and logic.

Wouldn't that be something for us too? Instead of boring parliamentary sessions, we could just settle all our political differences in 280 characters. Saves time, and the entertainment factor is not to be sneezed at either!

And then, ladies and gentlemen, that wonderful denial of reality when he lost the election. Such a stand-up guy, our Donald! One can only admire it. The sheer determination with which he stands up against all odds, against the truth, against reality, it is almost poetic.

Now he wants to run again in 2024, despite all these unpleasant charges and court cases. And I say: Bravo, Donald, bravo! Your tenacity is admirable and I will continue to watch this remarkable reality show with great pleasure.

Cheers, my friend, to you and the chaos you so masterfully orchestrate. May your reality show never end, because honestly, who needs Netflix when you can watch the daily antics of one Donald Trump?