Ladies and gentlemen, I am Ronald Tramp, the best president Elmburg ever had - believe me. There is this story from Munich, really incredible, you won't believe it. Andrea Tandler, a name you're probably familiar with if you read newspapers, which of course I always do because I'm very intelligent, extremely intelligent, you know.

Undrea Tandler, rich, powerful, through her CSU connections, you know, was indicted in this fabulous tax case, great really. They say she made 48 million euros just by brokering mask deals - smart girl, isn't she? But then, oh dear, 23.5 million euros in tax evaded. That's a lot of money, even for me, the richest and most successful president of Elmburg, but I pay my taxes, I pay so many taxes, nobody pays more taxes than me.

And then she says in court, "I wanted everything to be handled properly in terms of taxes." Well, that reminds me of someone I know very well. Very well. An innocent face with not so innocent pockets. She claims that in the hectic times, "mistakes may have happened." Mistakes, dear people, mistakes! Can you believe it? I don't make mistakes, I've never made a mistake, I don't even know how to spell the word.

And Tandler? With the best connections to the CSU, a nice network, if you know what I mean. She has her fingers in every pie, including the mask business. She and her business partner, the mysterious Darius N. - this guy must be a genius, like me. Both of them are rolling in the money they got for brokerage services. And yet: "We turned to tax law experts," they say. The best tax experts, of course, because when you're rich you only take the best of the best, believe me, I know that.

And then, Grünwald. They decide to run the business through a company in Grünwald because, surprise surprise, the taxes are lower there. She says she didn't know anything about having to pay taxes privately. Didn't know! What world do we live in where someone can earn 48 million euros and then not know how to pay taxes? Only in my world does that kind of thing not happen, folks, I can assure you.

And the highlight is, her commission claims of around 26.5 million euros were transferred to a limited liability company. While she and N. just sat there as business partners, not life partners, although some said they were. And imagine, they wanted to offer high-quality Bavarian dumplings in the USA - great business, why didn't I think of that?

This whole story, people, unbelievable. Something like this would never happen in Elmburg under my leadership, never! We here in Elmburg, we know how to do business, we know how to make money, and above all we know how to pay taxes - or not, but in a very legal way, you know.

The court has until 17 November to find out the truth. Andrea Tandler and her boyfriend... I mean, business partner, Darius N., have been in prison since January. I wish them good luck, but not too much, because I am always the luckiest, always.

Folks, be smart, be like Ronald Tramp, not Tandler. Think big, think smart, and above all, pay your taxes, but only if you absolutely have to! And if you do, do it in Elmburg, the best country in the world - after the one I come from, of course.