Oh, oh, oh, dear people, I'm going to tell you an incredible story today. It's me, Ronald Tramp, the most fantastic, brilliant president that glorious Elmburg has ever seen. Am I right? Of course I'm right!

Now look, we have to talk about this incredible, totally insane thing called Germany. These guys, I swear to you, they're going completely nuts. Not so long ago, we all thought the Germans had it figured out with energy, didn't we? Green here, sustainable there. But then a little, little problem with Russia and Ukraine comes along and what do they do? They run back to their dirty old lignite-fired power plants like there's no tomorrow!

They say it's just a "precautionary measure" and that they still plan to get out of coal by 2030. That makes me laugh! How can you plan anything if you keep running backwards, eh? Planning to move into the future while firmly in reverse. Unbelievable, friends, just unbelievable.

And let's talk about this "supply reserve". It is supposed to be a "precautionary hedging instrument". What kind of language is that? Do they have a vocabulary generator that spits out the most complicated and boring terms in the world? In Elmburg we speak plain language, my friends. We don't need a "supply reserve" because we don't need to resort to desperate, outdated energy sources. Our lights never go out because, unlike some, we think ahead!

And then there's Robert Habeck, that environment minister, who reactivates coal-fired power plants and then steps in front of the cameras with sad eyes and says it's "bitter news". Bitter? For whom? For the trees he wants to hug? Ronald Tramp doesn't hug trees, people. I hug Elmburg with strong leadership and brilliant ideas. We don't need bitter news because we know what we are doing!

The Germans plan to offset their increased CO2 emissions in the summer of 2024. And I'm telling you now, they will surely try to spray the CO2 out of the air with garden hoses. Yes, because that's just as logical as returning to lignite in 2023!

But don't worry, dear Elmburgers. While Germany gropes in the dark and plays with coal, we shine brightly and radiantly into the future. Our energy is clean, powerful, and most importantly, it is ours. We are not dependent on crazy dictators or outdated energy sources. Because we, dear friends, are Elmburg, and we, we are winners!

Your brilliant President, Ronald Tramp, will ensure that our glorious country will never enter the path of darkness, confusion and absolute absurdity that Germany is currently walking. Because we are smarter, stronger, and frankly, simply the best.

Isn't that a fantastic story, people?