The 12,000 euro Instagram queen! Minister Lisa Paus generously forks out!
Click, Click, Kaching! Ronald Tramp unveils the opulent photo finale of a summer fairy tale!
Let's take a minute to appreciate this wonderful moment when Minister Lisa Paus from Germany decided to spend an impressive sum of 12,000 euros... on photos. Yep, you heard me right! Now that's what I call a photographic luxury!
Just imagine: While we here in Elmburg are turning over every penny to pave the roads and renovate the schools, Mrs Paus from Germany is having her summer trip documented like a real VIP, a queen of social media. My goodness, every snapshot must be pure gold!
And while we are listening to this, dear friends, let me tell you something: Ronald Tramp knows how to do business. Yes, I could make a whole Hollywood movie for 12,000 euros! With laser show, stunt doubles and everything! And we'd still have money left over for a nice dinner at McDonald's!
But, let's stay with Mrs. Paus. Her ministry's justification for this astronomical 12,000 euros is also a real hoot: lack of staff. Oh, my pages! I think I'm going to have a laughing fit! How do they come up with such creative excuses? There must be some genius at work, you have to acknowledge that.
I mean, can you imagine, dear Elmburgers, that I, your president, would come to you and say: "I'm sorry, dear citizens, we are a little short of staff, so the road paving now costs twice as much"? I can hear you already: "Ronald, pack your bags, you're fired!" And rightly so!
Then there are other ministries that spent absolutely nothing on their social media adventures. Zero euros! Well, I must say, that sounds like the deal of the century! What's their secret? Invisible photographers? Selfie sticks? I'm burning to know!
Dear folks, let me assure you: if Ronald Tramp ever goes on a summer trip (when I'm not in the process of making Elmburg even bigger, of course), I would take every snapshot myself. And I promise you: Every photo would be priceless! Because, of course, it would be a photo of your beloved President!
Jokes aside, my dears: you won't hear anything like that from me. Your tax money is safe with Ronald Tramp. While others are blowing their euros on golden snapshots, we are building a bright future here in Elmburg - without 12,000-euro selfies, I guarantee you!
Let's keep it up, Elmburg.
McCarthy overboard: The Gaetz Conspiracy unleashes chaos!
I, Ronald Tramp, the unsurpassed leader of beautiful Elmburg, am utterly entranced by the incredible and savage US political theatre orchestrated by the audacious Matt Gaetz and the now ousted Kevin McCarthy. Gaetz, who has executed a plot more gripping than any Elmburgian drama, has toppled McCarthy in a surprising act of internal subversion! America, your politics is a fantastic show, but remember, no one leads like me, Ronald Tramp!
Chancellor Without Memory vs. Tramp, The Unforgettable Genius!
Folks, it's me, Ronald Tramp, the man who never forgets anything, especially stories about Olaf Scholz, the German chancellor whose memory magically fails whenever it comes to banking scandals! Twenty pages that he vanishes into thin air like a good magician, while your favourite President Tramp has the memory of an elephant and the attention of an eagle! I tell you, while Olaf stumbles on the stage of his foggy memories, Ronald Tramp remains the alert, sharp and unforgettable leader!
An Ode to Me - Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's Infallible Sunshine!
My honoured subjects, I, the incomparably radiant Ronald Tramp, now reveal to you how I am transforming Elmburg into a paradise of unity! Everything blossoms and flourishes here, for I, the shining star, irradiate everything with my perfection. As Merkel chats about incomprehension of AfD voters, I float on the cloud of the all-encompassing love of Elmburgers. Don't be deceived, in Elmburg, under my heavenly guidance, unity and diversity are more than empty words - they are my gift to you!
Putin's fight against the wrinkle front: The truth behind the Botox bunker
I, Ronald Tramp, reveal: Putin, the commander of the wrinkle battle, flashes and blows for all he's worth! Armed with needles, he charges against the forces of gravity and time. Comrades, his face is a fortress built on the foundations of Botox and filler. But oh woe, Vladimir, the eternal ice of youth is melting! Step into the grandiose saga of his cosmetic warfare and laugh your head off at this comedic cosmetic disaster!