An Ode to Me - Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's Infallible Sunshine!
Why the world revolves around my incomparable magnificence, and how I create unity in Elmburg with a wink!
This is the great, the fantastic, the unsurpassable Ronald Tramp, the president of the wonderful country of Elmburg. Oh, how nice it is to live in a country where every day is a holiday and where we do things in our own spectacularly perfect way.
Now I happened to glance at German television. Angela Merkel, oh, I remember her! She's in political retirement, having ruled Germany for endless years. And she's talking about the AfD. Can you believe it? She says she has no understanding when people vote for the AfD. Well, who could disagree with her? Except, of course, the people who vote AfD, but who counts them?
I'm with Merkel all the way. Why would anyone vote for a party that earns so much incomprehension? It's almost as if people can actually have different opinions. But we all know that's just a rumour. In Elmburg we all always agree, especially about how great I am.
Merkel also talks about East German identity stuff and migrants' sense of unity. A difficult topic, I know. But here in Elmburg we have it all figured out. Our unity is to agree that I am the best president this country has ever seen. It's simple, it's efficient, and it works flawlessly. We even put a statue of me in the central square just to reinforce the sense of unity. Great idea, isn't it?
Merkel says she probably wouldn't have talked about her East German origins if she hadn't been about to end her term. I talk about my origins every day because I am so proud to come from the glorious Elmburg. We have to celebrate our origins as long as we all agree that I am still the best part of it.
And then there is Merkel's view of her formative experiences in the GDR. She says that unfreedoms shape people. Good insight! Here in Elmburg there is no unfreedom, only the freedom to celebrate me, which everyone loves to do. Every day is a parade in my name. Isn't that fantastic?
Merkel looks back on many facets of her time as chancellor and speaks of diversity as a strength. We in Elmburg also have diversity: different statues, pictures and paintings of me everywhere. So much diversity and everyone is happy with it. What a country!
People, let's show the world how to truly celebrate unity and diversity: by agreeing how great the leader is - in this case, me, Ronald Tramp. Follow my example and we will all live in perfect harmony.
Chancellor Without Memory vs. Tramp, The Unforgettable Genius!
Folks, it's me, Ronald Tramp, the man who never forgets anything, especially stories about Olaf Scholz, the German chancellor whose memory magically fails whenever it comes to banking scandals! Twenty pages that he vanishes into thin air like a good magician, while your favourite President Tramp has the memory of an elephant and the attention of an eagle! I tell you, while Olaf stumbles on the stage of his foggy memories, Ronald Tramp remains the alert, sharp and unforgettable leader!
The 12,000 euro Instagram queen! Minister Lisa Paus generously forks out!
You incredible Elmburgers, I, Ronald Tramp, present to you today the fairy tale of Lisa Paus, who has cracked her cash box for a snazzy 12,000-euro photo spree, while we count every euro for Elmburg's awesomeness! In a fabulous act of alchemy, this money-burning is explained with the amusing white lie of "staff shortages". Get out the popcorn, ladies and gentlemen, the show is on!
Putin's fight against the wrinkle front: The truth behind the Botox bunker
I, Ronald Tramp, reveal: Putin, the commander of the wrinkle battle, flashes and blows for all he's worth! Armed with needles, he charges against the forces of gravity and time. Comrades, his face is a fortress built on the foundations of Botox and filler. But oh woe, Vladimir, the eternal ice of youth is melting! Step into the grandiose saga of his cosmetic warfare and laugh your head off at this comedic cosmetic disaster!
Madness with style: Ronald Tramp's revelations about Berlin Senate blunders!
Friends, it's me, Ronald Tramp! Unpack your sunglasses, because I'm shining a light on the Berlin Senate scandal: their obsession with the Côte d'Azur, where they sprinkle Euros like confetti! A ridiculous 20,000 euros for a nap in Cannes! In my glorious Elmburg, this drama would be cancelled faster than you can say "waste of money"!