Madness with style: Ronald Tramp's revelations about Berlin Senate blunders!
Côte d'Azur, Côte d'Blamage: An embarrassing Senate trip to France and the artful art of squandering money - exclusively illuminated by Elmburg's brilliant president!
Oh guys, get ready for something. I'm Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, and I can tell you it smells like trouble here in Berlin, like an overcrowded S-Bahn carriage in high summer. Listen up! Those Berlin Senate people, huh? They're flying to the Côte d'Azur. Côte d'Azur, friends! That's in France, in case you don't know where the baguettes come from that you all love to fill with kebab.
The urban development senator and his state secretary for building are there. For building! I thought they were building in Berlin? Has Berlin already been built? For overnight stays - brace yourselves - 20,000 euros! I tell you, in Elmburg you get a whole street with houses, a village pond AND the mayor's orchard for that.
And you know what? Last year, another 16,000 euros. I tell you, for that money I get a gold-plated throne in Elmburg, with a built-in fridge for my Diet Cokes.
Now the left-wing faction is asking, quite rightly, "Was the expensive trip worth it?" Pfff... Good question! I ask myself the same question when I see that my cat has ruined the carpet again. The speaker, this Martin Pallgen, doesn't say any numbers, but a lot of blah blah about sharing experiences with different actors. Come on, they are not actors, they are a bunch of extras in a bad movie called "Waste the taxes!".
And now the Left wants Berlin to stop participating in these fairs. Exactly! Berlin had better first learn how to build sensibly without strolling along the Côte d'Azur. And you know what I say, people? Berlin, stay at home, turn on the coffee maker and get to work! For all that money, you could buy a giant sandbox and build your own castles until you learn how.
But, dear ones, don't worry, in Elmburg, under my fabulous leadership, we won't be building sand castles. We will build real castles, castles of gold and marble, with my face on top. For I am Ronald Tramp, and I will make Elmburg great again. Berlin, look and learn how to run a country without running it into the sand!
And if you plan such a fair again, then come to Elmburg, I invite you. You can spend the night in my golden palace, really now, for free! Well, almost for free. Maybe you just have to clean the palace a bit afterwards. With toothbrushes. Just like a proper waster of money should do!
Putin's fight against the wrinkle front: The truth behind the Botox bunker
I, Ronald Tramp, reveal: Putin, the commander of the wrinkle battle, flashes and blows for all he's worth! Armed with needles, he charges against the forces of gravity and time. Comrades, his face is a fortress built on the foundations of Botox and filler. But oh woe, Vladimir, the eternal ice of youth is melting! Step into the grandiose saga of his cosmetic warfare and laugh your head off at this comedic cosmetic disaster!
Witch Hunt Deluxe: Trump's lost tower and the hunt for invisible dollars!
I, Ronald Tramp, am appalled! They're trying to bring down Donald, the king of real estate Tetris, for - brace yourselves - creative accounting! In Elmburg, we call that "modern mathematics". This dreary trial show steals Trump's shiny tower's shine, but I tell you: Trump's number magic will triumph in the end!
Sunak's high-speed mumbo jumbo!
Friends, Ronald Tramp here, your glorious leader from Elmburg! You won't believe it: Rishi Sunak, the British Prime Minister, promises to back motorists. He wants to tell cities not to drive so slowly! But well, there's a catch: the small municipalities hold the key and Rishi has nothing but empty words in the tank! Don't be misled by this platitudinous political pneu!