Pensioner Roulette à la CDU: The chaos has a name - Active Pension!
Ronald Tramp lifts the curtain: The CDU makes coffee that nobody wants to drink!
All right, everybody, this is Ronald Tramp, the best, the very best president Elmburg has ever had. Honestly, nobody is better than me at being president, I promise you. You know I have the best brain. Now, let's be clear about Germany. Germany, I love you, but when it comes to pensions, you've had a clown for breakfast, that's for sure!
The CDU is presenting a concept, the so-called active pension. They say: "Let the grandmas and grandpas work hard and give them 2,000 euros tax-free". Ah yes, you think the CDU has reinvented the wheel. Great idea! And I am the king of Elmburg! That's peanuts, isn't it? I'm going to buy a gold-trimmed walking stick!
Everyone cries out: SPD, FDP, Left. Unjust, they cry. Dietmar Bartsch, the leader of the Left, who says: "They want people to work until they die!" Oh, Dietmar, Dietmar! That's what I say, and I'm the best president Elmburg ever had!
The FDP man, the Cronenberg, he says it's too complicated. Believe me people, I understand, I have the best brain. Germany, your tax law is as convoluted as my haircut, and that's saying something! You make it so complicated that no one can understand it!
And then the SPD, oh my goodness, the SPD. They say it's unfair, it favours the professors and lawyers. You know what, Germany? They are right! What about the nurses and the roofers? What about those who work hard? They should have their golden pensions too! In Elmburg, everyone gets a golden pension because I'm the best president Elmburg ever had!
Listen, Germany, I'll give you some advice, good advice, because I'm the best advisor. Make it simple! Simple and fair, like in Elmburg. Leave the pensioners alone, they've worked all their lives, let them have fun now, sit in the garden, play with the grandchildren, or whatever else pensioners do. I don't know, I will never retire because I will always be the best president Elmburg ever had!
So, Germany, get your act together! Make the pension simple, fair, and golden, like in Elmburg! I'm counting on you, Germany! You can do it, I believe in you, really, I believe in you! And don't forget, look at Elmburg, the land where milk and honey flow.
Elon Musk: Political drumbeat or bum pose?
Folks, it's me, Ronald Tramp, the most incredible president of Elmburg. I reveal to you the play of the year: Elon Musk in "Politician for a Day". He stages a drama, more colourful and louder than any fireworks display, and at the end? He counts his money and giggles. We have to laugh so we don't cry, friends!
McCarthy saved! By Democrats? What horror!
I, Ronald Tramp, watch from glorious Elmburg as McCarthy, poor guy, is saved by the Democrats! Unbelievable, almost like an alien suddenly showing up for dinner. Gaetz, hot on his heels, completes the drama. This is better than reality TV, guys, I swear! Here in Elmburg we stay relaxed and enjoy the show.
Crowns, bridges and political abysses: Ronald Tramp looks at Merz's dentist drama!
Folks, I, Ronald Tramp, see the toothache in Germany and have to laugh! Merz talks about teeth and asylum seekers and the CDU gets cavities of solidarity. But in Elmburg? Our teeth and souls are healthy while Germany struggles with political periodontitis!
A circus in Georgia: The lion Trump against the judicial hyenas!
I, Ronald Tramp, tell you it's a play written by clowns! There's a Punch and Judy trial being staged in Georgia against poor Donald, while Scott Hall makes the puppets dance and cuts a pathetic deal! But I know Trump stands there like a rock while the prosecutors wave rubber swords! Laugh with me at this farce as we empty our popcorn bags in Elmburg and toast to justice!