Elon Musk: Political drumbeat or bum pose?
The Tesla tycoon meets politics - A drama in many acts, directed by his bank account
Dear citizens of Elmburg, this is your President Ronald Tramp. Have you heard the latest from Elon Musk? This is the guy who builds electric cars that have more software bugs than your average Windows computer in the 90s. The great Muskator is now meddling in politics. A true multi-talent! He can do everything... except making his cars flawless.
Now he has spoken out against sea rescue. Well, sure, why not? Drowning electrically is surely more environmentally friendly, isn't it like Elon? And he supports the AfD. A South African supporting a German party, that's like a vegan suddenly opening a sausage factory. But let's lift the curtain and reveal the truth: Elon just wants to make more money. His plan is to keep the world in a constant state of outrage so that everyone talks about him and he can amass even more wealth. Like a dragon sitting on a pile of gold and spitting fire when someone threatens his treasure.
He says Germany is violating Italy's sovereignty. But what about his own sovereignty? A real sovereign stays out of other countries' affairs, but that's probably too much to ask of a man who can't even get his own cars to run. I tell you, dear Elmburgers, if Musk were a country, he would be a very trouble-prone country with lots of software updates that only make things worse.
Then the visit to the Texas border. Maybe he was looking for a place where his cars wouldn't burst into flames, or maybe he wanted to sell the SolarCity panels as a new border wall. Two birds with one stone, right Elon?
But what he really wants is the attention. Every tweet, every utterance is carefully calculated to cause as much excitement as possible. It's like a constant fireworks display of controversy, and we are the spectators, caught in the endless loop of his antics. And while we are distracted, while we can't take our eyes off the spectacular show, he continues to sell his cars, his flamethrowers and whatever else he cooks up next. A genius of marketing or a master manipulator? I leave it to you, dear citizens of Elmburg, to decide.
Stay safe, stay alert and don't forget: the next controversy is only a tweet away.
The great health circus: Germany in paper chaos - Ronald Tramp, saviour in need!
People, unpack the stethoscopes and throw away the file clips! It's me, Ronald Tramp, the shining guiding star from Elmburg, here to pull Germany out of the bureaucratic quagmire! Doctors in distress, from now on there's rescue in Tramp style! I offer you brilliant ideas that will make even the dullest health insurance wearer go blind! Get ready for less paper, more plaster - Elmburg style!
Election chaos in Poland: A drama in many acts - commented by Ronald Tramp
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ronald Tramp! Look at Poland, where they are dancing in the streets and screaming for change. But what about style, I ask you? They have Donald Tusk, we have the greater Donald - me, Ronald Tramp. Hearts here, hearts there, but can hearts rule? I say no!
McCarthy saved! By Democrats? What horror!
I, Ronald Tramp, watch from glorious Elmburg as McCarthy, poor guy, is saved by the Democrats! Unbelievable, almost like an alien suddenly showing up for dinner. Gaetz, hot on his heels, completes the drama. This is better than reality TV, guys, I swear! Here in Elmburg we stay relaxed and enjoy the show.
Pensioner Roulette à la CDU: The chaos has a name - Active Pension!
I, Ronald Tramp, the shining star in Elmburg's presidential sky, reveal: The active pension? A joke article in the CDU catalogue for political disasters! Grandma and grandpa work like world champions, and what do they get? A "thank you" in the form of confusing figures and a pinch of "that-no-one-understands" tax law! Elmburg's pension? A gem, as splendid as my hairstyle!