Crowns, bridges and political abysses: Ronald Tramp looks at Merz's dentist drama!
Between root canal and party split - Elmburg remains the land of dental peace!
Dear Folks, I, Ronald Tramp, Grand Prince of the Greatest Farmland of Elmburg, send you this magnificent letter today. As I sit in my golden chair - made only of recycled gold, of course - I cannot help but marvel at the amusing comedy that is taking place in Germany. I tell you, this play is better than any ever staged in Elmburg!
Imagine Mr Merz, sitting there in a big armchair of the CDU, makes a few remarks about dental visits by rejected asylum seekers. And what happens? An outcry! A storm! An earthquake of indignation! Mr Bäumler, from the same party, goes to the barricades. Should Merz go now? Should he keep quiet? Or, I don't know, become a dentist? Mr Bäumler, the captain of morals, says: "Withdraw, otherwise goodbye chancellor candidacy!" Oh, the drama!
Now Mrs Alabali-Radovan also jumps into the ring of madness. With flashing eyes she condemns Merz for his terrible words. A stab in the back for social cohesion! Disaster is breaking out!
And, oh, here comes Mr Scholz, proud as a peacock, with his clear words and sentences. "Better watch out," he says, pointing like an old wizard muttering his spell. I can feel the magic in the air as Merz trembles and blanches. But hey, at least he won't be forgotten like other politicians whose names no one knows.
While the spectacle continues, I make myself comfortable with a cup of Elmburger chocolate, milked straight from the royal cows. Glorious, the life of a president!
But let's play a game, my friends. What if Merz simply said, "I don't care what you all think!"? Would Germany explode? Would people's teeth fall out of their mouths in a collective groan? We will never know!
Meanwhile, as Germany descends into chaos, Elmburg shines brighter than ever. We may have no politics, no scandals, no excitement. But we have fields. Lots of fields. And cows. And that's all we need.
I tell you, friends, life is too short for such circuses. Let the Germans have their debates and elect their chancellors. We in Elmburg, we will continue to work our fields, milk our cows and live in peace. And maybe, just maybe, we will invite a few German dentists to make sure our teeth are in good order.
McCarthy saved! By Democrats? What horror!
I, Ronald Tramp, watch from glorious Elmburg as McCarthy, poor guy, is saved by the Democrats! Unbelievable, almost like an alien suddenly showing up for dinner. Gaetz, hot on his heels, completes the drama. This is better than reality TV, guys, I swear! Here in Elmburg we stay relaxed and enjoy the show.
Pensioner Roulette à la CDU: The chaos has a name - Active Pension!
I, Ronald Tramp, the shining star in Elmburg's presidential sky, reveal: The active pension? A joke article in the CDU catalogue for political disasters! Grandma and grandpa work like world champions, and what do they get? A "thank you" in the form of confusing figures and a pinch of "that-no-one-understands" tax law! Elmburg's pension? A gem, as splendid as my hairstyle!
A circus in Georgia: The lion Trump against the judicial hyenas!
I, Ronald Tramp, tell you it's a play written by clowns! There's a Punch and Judy trial being staged in Georgia against poor Donald, while Scott Hall makes the puppets dance and cuts a pathetic deal! But I know Trump stands there like a rock while the prosecutors wave rubber swords! Laugh with me at this farce as we empty our popcorn bags in Elmburg and toast to justice!
Macron's Masterpiece: Corsica Gets 'Chewing Gum Autonomy'!
Folks, here is Ronald Tramp, with an absolute sensation! Macron, that little wizard from the Élysée Palace, is throwing around crumbs of autonomy, and the Corsicans are supposed to say: oh la la, how generous! But wait, he says no to the Corsican language and real rights. Well, Corsica, welcome to the world of 'chewing gum autonomy' - sticky, sweet, but totally useless!