Two Scholze are one too many!
How Hofreiter failed at sending war toy emails in the German Chancellery Bingo!
Ladies and gentlemen, dear citizens of Elmburg! I, Ronald Tramp, the very President of the most beautiful spot on earth, Elmburg, would like to share a particularly exhilarating spectacle with you today. It is a story so absurd and delicious that even our beloved and universally known national cheese pales beside it.
Let's look to Germany, that wonderful land of poets, thinkers and autocorrect errors. Yes, you heard me right! Autocorrect errors! The politicians there are really cute, with their tireless drive to save the world and their endless ability to complicate everything.
So here we have Mr Hofreiter, who is all green behind the ears and probably thinks that war toys are like chocolate - the more the merrier! So he calls on the Chancellor to send more weapons to Ukraine. Isn't that noble of him? But oh dear! The letter ends up, due to a tiny, innocent little autocorrect error, with the wrong Scholz!
Yes, there are two of them there! This is no joke! Two Scholz in the Chancellor's office! One runs the country and the other.... well, he probably makes sure the computers are running. It's like having two Ronald Tramps in Elmburg! Can you imagine that? Pure chaos! But no need to worry, in our glorious Elmburg there is only one Ronald Tramp, so perfect that a copy is impossible!
Back to the Germans: So the office manager saved everything, thank God! She was copied, the letter reaches the real Scholz and all is well again in the land of poets, thinkers and faulty email addresses.
Mr Hofreiter takes it with a smile and says he would be happy if that were her only problem with the Chancellery. Well, Mr Hofreiter, we here in Elmburg know that things can always get worse. Today it's an email address, tomorrow maybe a cruise missile delivery to the wrong place.
It's a glorious spectacle and we can hardly wait to see what happens next. Will Germany deliver more Taurus cruise missiles? Will they write to the fake Scholz again? Or will the real Scholz wake up and say, "What the hell is going on here?"
My dear Elmburgers, I raise my glass (filled with the finest Elmburg beer, of course) and toast Germany. Thank you for the laughs and please, please, try to keep your Scholze apart!
Delayed on time: Deutsche Bahn is rolling again - or not!
I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, am amazed: Deutsche Bahn proudly presents its new timetable - a masterpiece of planned delay! In the land of poets and thinkers, they stay creative: more trains, more delays, more prices - an ingenious combination. They call it timetable change, I call it art. A grandiose ode to unpunctuality that teaches us: the journey is the destination, especially if you never arrive!
Elon's Unnecessary Escapades in Cyberspace!
Elon Musk, you were the undisputed ruler of space, but with one ill-considered meme, according to all of us here in Elmburg, you exploded your rocket of reputation! You had the chance to own the greatness and show solidarity, but instead of compassion, you opted for a joking blow that hit the face of a struggling nation leader and a suffering people. As Ronald Tramp, the most sensational president Elmburg has ever seen, I say: Elon, it is time to pick up the pieces and start a journey to true…
The great health circus: Germany in paper chaos - Ronald Tramp, saviour in need!
People, unpack the stethoscopes and throw away the file clips! It's me, Ronald Tramp, the shining guiding star from Elmburg, here to pull Germany out of the bureaucratic quagmire! Doctors in distress, from now on there's rescue in Tramp style! I offer you brilliant ideas that will make even the dullest health insurance wearer go blind! Get ready for less paper, more plaster - Elmburg style!
Election chaos in Poland: A drama in many acts - commented by Ronald Tramp
Ladies and gentlemen, this is Ronald Tramp! Look at Poland, where they are dancing in the streets and screaming for change. But what about style, I ask you? They have Donald Tusk, we have the greater Donald - me, Ronald Tramp. Hearts here, hearts there, but can hearts rule? I say no!