Oh, dear people, I, Ronald Tramp, tell you - and I know things, I'm really good at things - what's going on in Germany is just glorious, a real joy for anyone who knows the tiniest bit about politics. You don't believe me? Let me explain it to you. I'm brilliant at explaining things.

So, they had these elections. It was in Bavaria and Hesse, and the voters, these enigmatic beings, they showed the politicians where the hammer hangs. It's great! You have to love it. These German politicians, they talk and talk, but nothing comes of it, right?

Let's imagine those suits sitting there in their shiny offices, probably with a trusty espresso in hand, thinking, "Oh, we've got it all figured out, we know exactly what the voters want. Refugee problem? Small problem! We'll just have a few summits and tell people everything is fine. They will believe us because we are the more intelligent ones!" I tell you, ladies and gentlemen, this know-it-all-itis, it is contagious and obviously all politicians in Germany have become infected with it.

But the voters - and I love the voters, they are great, especially those who voted for me - they said: "No, we don't believe you anymore!" And what do they do? They vote for a party that has nothing to contribute to national politics. I mean, me, Ronald Tramp, I contribute all the time, every day. But this party? Nothing at all! You've got to get that off your chest.

And then we have dear Nancy Faeser from the SPD. She wanted to be everything, Minister of the Interior and top candidate, and in the end she was nothing. She couldn't decide what she wanted to be. And if you can't decide what you want to be, how are the voters supposed to decide that they want you?

And, oh, the FDP, that little, little party. I tell you, if they go on like this, they'll get smaller and smaller until we need a microscope to find them. They never change their tactics, never change their strategy, they're like a broken record that plays the same thing over and over again. A bit like my cousin Donald, but that's another story.

Dear friends, I must tell you, these elections, they have been a joy to watch. A veritable pageant of incompetence and know-it-allism. It is really entertaining to see them all stumbling around wondering why they are falling flat on their faces.

Finally, the CDU advice: either demonise or embrace the Greens? I, Ronald Tramp, can only say: Make up your minds! But that is precisely the problem with politicians - decisions are not their strong point.

In Elmburg, under my leadership, dear people, there would be no such problems. I tell you, it's a great time to be Ronald Tramp, the most capable leader Elmburg has ever had. Believe me, I know better than anyone!