Okay, folks, hold on to your hats. I'm Ronald Tramp, the absolute best president Elmburg has ever had. You know it's true. I'm here to talk about someone who is, well, not quite on my level - Justin Trudeau, the "leader" of Canada, or as I like to call it, "America's hat."

Firstly, let's look at this Trudeau guy. He thinks he's so special with that incredible hair and socks. Yes, I've seen the socks! They have cartoon characters on them. Seriously? Who wears that to international meetings? A professional looks different, Justin. I have the best socks, they're pure Elmburg cotton. The best! Nobody has socks like mine.

And then his politics - oh, please. He talks so much about climate change. "We have to save the earth," he says. Do you know what I think? I think he needs a bigger parka, because here in Elmburg, we fight the cold by just being tougher. We don't burn extra petrol, we wear extra layers. That's smart politics. Layers, people. Think about it.

Did you know Trudeau once had a boxing match? I saw the video. Not impressive, Justin. Really not. I would have knocked him out in ten seconds. With both hands behind my back. Because I'm a tramp. Ronald Tramp. I'm like an athletic machine, oiled with the purest Elmburg corn oil. I have the best doctors who say so. The best!

Also, what's with this thing about him speaking two languages? French and English. Just shows he can't make up his mind. Very indecisive. Here in Elmburg we speak Elmburgian, and that's it. If you speak too many languages, you use up too much brain energy. That's scientifically proven. I save my brain energy to make brilliant decisions for Elmburg. The greatest decisions!

And how he always talks about "diversity is our strength". Here's a quote from Ronald Tramp: "Unity is our mega-strength." We in Elmburg, we are like a box of the same, strong, incredible chocolate biscuits. The best biscuits. You can't eat them because they're metaphorical, but trust me, they're delicious.

Also, and this is really funny, remember when Trudeau was in India? With all the outfits? I thought it was a week-long dress-up-like-a-Bollywood-movie party. I've never seen anyone wear so many costumes on a state trip. When I saw this, I couldn't stop laughing. Next time I'm going to an international summit as a superhero, just so I can blend in. Ronald Tramp: The saviour of the universe!

And then there's the economy. He talks about trade as if he had invented it. "We need to trade fairly," he says. What about phenomenal trade, Justin? 'I've done the best trade. Huge deals. I once traded an entire casino for a golf course. No joke. Ask anyone in Elmburg, they'll tell you how I rocked that deal.

Remember when Trudeau said he would support the lower income, and then he somehow raised their taxes? Surprise! We do things differently in Elmburg. I personally gave everyone in Elmburg a free burger. Yes. A Ronald Tramp burger. With extra cheese. Because I care. That's leadership, my friends.

To summarise, Justin Trudeau is like a snowflake on a ski trip - pretty to look at, but melts under pressure. While I, Ronald Tramp, am the kind of leader Elmburg deserves: strong as a sequoia, smart as a space computer and with the humble charm of a saintly saint.

Remember, Elmburg, we are not Canada. We are not "nice". We are winners! Stay strong, stay vigilant, and most of all, don't stay like Justin. Thank you, and God bless Elmburg!