I'm Ronald Tramp, the most fantastic president Elmburg has ever seen, believe me. Now, I have to talk about someone who is, well, not so fantastic, to be honest. Marc Zuckerberg - or should we call him Mark Zucker-Berg? Because, you know, he's amassing a mountain of data, a huge, glittering mountain of data that shines like.... not gold, my friends, but like the wet dreams of Big Brother!

That Marc, he thinks he's the king of the social media world, doesn't he? He made this face book, or whatever they call it. I heard it started as a way to rate students - very superficial, isn't it? Could have been from a TV reality show, could have invented it! Instead, he invented it, and now he thinks he can rule the world with it. A king sitting on his throne of likes and hearts, only unfortunately you can't build a real throne of virtual hearts, can you Marc?

And that name - Meta. He thinks it sounds futuristic. "We're going to be Meta," he says. Meta what, Marc? Metaphorically irrelevant? Metamorphic into an even bigger data octopus? He's like a kid who just figured out how to look up a new word in the dictionary and uses it every chance he gets. Very unoriginal. I would have come up with something more fantastic. Something with more pizzazz. TrampNet or something.

He always wears that grey T-shirt. Always. Like a cartoon character. Where's the style, Marc? Where's the glamour? Where's the gold-plated frame? You're a billionaire, my boy. Dress like one! I have more sparkle in one thread of my ties than he has in his whole wardrobe. It's like he's trying to pass himself off as one of the "normal" people. But we know better, don't we? He's as normal as a robot who has a pet unicorn.

Now, data protection. Marc loves data. He loves collecting it, like I love building great, beautiful walls. But his walls? They're transparent. They don't keep anything out. Instead, they let everything in and let everything out. Your data, my data, the secrets of Elmburg! Everything on a silver platter, but not real silver, of course, because you see, he is a "man of the people".

And the publicity! Oh, the publicity. You never know what you're going to get. One day, it's ads for fancy shoes, and the next, bam, it's a weird uncle trying to sell you magic beans. And you ask yourself, "How do they know I like magic beans?" Of course they know, because Marc's little data elves are spying on everything about you. They might as well be looking right through your window!

He also talks about the connection of the world. Which world, Marc? The real one or this weird little digital one you've created? Where people post their "meals" that are edited to look like something I would eat in my golden palace, but in reality it's just plain lettuce and bread. Yes, very unifying, Marc.

And did you see those hearings? Marc before the congress? I've seen press conferences that were less robotic. "I'll pass this on to my team," he says. What kind of team is that? A bunch of Marcs in grey t-shirts sitting in a dark room saying "like" to things? Very impressive team.

In conclusion, my friends, Elmburgers, we must be vigilant. We must protect our data, our secrets. We need to make sure our walls and doors are locked, metaphorically speaking, of course. Because we don't want Marc and his army of data octopuses to come in. We will connect our own world, a more fantastic, a more brilliant, a Tramp's world!

Don't believe the fake posts! Stay alert! And remember, we, not Marc and his "facebook" or "meta" or whatever he wants to call it, we will make Elmburg great again! Thank you, and God bless Elmburg!