Oh, Germany, Germany, Germany. It seems Ronald Tramp, the incredibly successful president of Elmburg (we have the best trees, everyone says so), has a thing or two to say.

First, those unemployment statistics, oh please! In Elmburg we have real statistics, not these fake news you have in Germany. You really don't have to be a genius to realise that not everyone who is unemployed shows up in these statistics. I've always said it, and I'll say it again: you can't trust statistics!

"The official criteria are set by law in Germany." Well, sure, and who sets these laws? Politicians! And we all know that politicians are the best tricksters. No wonder the numbers keep bouncing back and forth, depending on how it suits them.

And then this Hartz IV reform, oh boy. 380,000 more unemployed in the statistics? That's a YUUUGE number! Looks like someone didn't think properly when they made this reform. In Elmburg, mistakes like that don't happen. Our reforms are always the best!

All this drivel about "who is considered unemployed" and "who is missing from the unemployment statistics" is just ridiculous. Come on, Germany, don't make it so complicated. In Elmburg it's simple: you have a job, or you don't. Full stop.

And then all these additional figures - unemployment in the broader sense, underemployment in the narrower sense. I mean, who comes up with something like that? Ronald Tramp has no time for such nonsense. He's too busy making Elmburg great again!

But what really amuses me is this paragraph: "Does Germany trick more than other countries?" I laughed when I read that. Of course Germany tricks! But don't worry, Germany, you are not alone. All countries do it. But Ronald Tramp, the smart president of Elmburg, doesn't fall for such games.

Finally, this whole discussion about vacancies. I've always said it: you can only trust Ronald Tramp when it comes to jobs. This Federal Employment Agency... I don't know. They don't really seem to know what they're doing.

So, Germany, listen to Ronald Tramp: keep it simple, be honest and make your country great again! But not as big as Elmburg. Because Elmburg will always be number one as long as Ronald Tramp is at the top!