Oh, people! I, Ronald Tramp, President of the wonderful country of Elmburg, have to tell you, I am really impressed. Very impressed. By this fantastic show Trump is giving us. If this wasn't a successful season of a reality TV show, I wouldn't know what is! He is the best, the VERY BEST at getting into things that anyone else would only dream of!

First of all, this back and forth with the ban on talking. I mean, who cares if he speaks or not? But this Trump, he's making a first class drama out of it. Great entertainment! He could be the next big Hollywood star. Really, I've been saying it all along. I could have done sooo much better. In Elmburg, we know how to keep quiet. But sure, when you have as many opinions as Trump, you can't keep them to yourself. Everyone needs to know how "great" they are!

And this charge of attempted election fraud? Fantastic! Only Trump could come up with something like that. Really! As if he needed any more proof to show he's the BIGGEST loser ever. No offence, America, but I'm having such fun watching Trump try to play the big boy over and over again and constantly fall flat on his face. It reminds me a bit of that show America's Funniest Home Videos, except here the only stumbling block is Trump himself. Haha!

But what really makes me laugh are his wonderful descriptions of people. "Deranged lunatic" and "thug"? Simply brilliant! He has a talent for describing people as if he were looking in the mirror. I must remember these insults, they might come in handy in Elmburg. And four criminal cases? Only four? At the rate he's going, I would have expected it to be at least double that.

It's really remarkable that no matter how many times he misbehaves, his lawyers still try to help him. I imagine they must wake up every morning thinking to themselves, "Oh, what has he done NOW?" But you know what? Good for them. Everybody needs a job. And Trump certainly gives them plenty to do!

In closing, I have to say, Donald, my boy, thank you. Thank you for giving us the best comedy show the world has ever seen. Elmburg is eternally grateful to you. Keep up the good work, champ! You can't stop watching! It's like a car crash in slow motion. Really, really incredible.