Elon Musk: The Emperor of Mars loses ground in Europe!
Tech tycoon threatens to take away his toy 'X' because EU wants real answers!
As Ronald Tramp, the infallible President of Elmburg, I have to say, Elon Musk is acting like the Emperor of Europe just because he sent a few rockets into space! Unbelievable. I guess he thinks he can introduce the "Musk Rules" and control everything, including the internet. Wrong thinking, Elon! Europe is not your private Mars!
Now he wants to keep his toy app 'X' away from European users because the EU asked a few innocuous questions. "Oh, how do you deal with misinformation?" Honestly, if you have a platform, you have to expect people to use it to spread nonsense. It's like my great days as a reality TV star. Some people just couldn't handle reality!
Musk doesn't understand the list of questions? What is there to understand? You want him to stop polluting his digital space with Fake News! But no, instead he says, "I'm busy." Busy with what? With the next electric unicorn or inventing diet rockets?
And this Thierry Breton, he's talking about manipulated images and video game footage being sold as real. Come on, Elon, we know you like playing video games, but the real world is no "Space Invaders"!
It's also hilarious how he feels like he's above the law. The EU grabs Meta, tugs at TikTok's ears, but Musk? He thinks he can just put up the "do not disturb" sign and move on. Someone should tell him that's not how it works. This isn't the Wild West of the internet!
And these threats, "Oh, I'm going to take X away from you if you don't do my bidding." Are you serious, Elon? What kind of childish act of defiance is that? It's like saying, "If you criticise my sandcastle building project, I'm leaving the sandbox!" Get a grip, man!
But at the end of the day, what can we expect? He's a tech billionaire! These people think that with enough money they can control anything, even the truth. Well, news flash for you, Elon: the world doesn't revolve around your tweets or whatever X is.
So, Elon, get on with your Mars dreams and electric gimmicks. Europe will be fine without your "exclusive" platform X. You have centuries of history, culture and, yes, real news!
The Un-Touchable Trump: A Martyr in a Lincoln Hat!
Listen up, you fantastic Elmburgers, Ronald Tramp here to tell you the true, incredibly distorted story of how Donald, the Lincoln of the 21st century, is being hounded by these absolutely envious judicial types! Immunity? More than an orange juice in the morning can guarantee! Abe and George would cry if they could see their heritage being misused as a comparison for this reality TV trial, starring - who else - the Donald!
How NOT to govern, courtesy of the US Congress!
Is this the US Congress or a clown school? They stumble from one crisis to the next, can't even agree on a pizza order, let alone a chairman! Jim Jordan is jumping around like a desperate tennis player without a racket. In Elmburg? We'd settle this over a coffee break. America, you have officially become a laughing stock, says your favourite President Tramp!
Hamill to Trump: May the cell be with you! - Ronald Tramp Applauds
I, Ronald Tramp, the glorious leader of Elmburg, can hardly contain my excitement as Mark 'the Jedi' Hamill finally finds something to praise Donald 'more than a hairspray' Trump for - his dramatic willingness to march to jail! It's an alliance as rare as an honest politician, and I'm here for the popcorn action!
Kennedy Shakes America: The Trump-Kennedy-Biden Showdown!
I, Ronald Tramp, see Kennedy stirring up the American election race, and it's wilder than an Elmburg bullfight! He's stealing more votes from Trump than a magician's rabbit from hats! He's dancing his way into the hearts of voters with his anti-vaccine tango, while Biden smirks in the spotlight. This race is more unpredictable than Elmburg weather in April!