Hamill to Trump: May the cell be with you! - Ronald Tramp Applauds
From Lightsabers to Bars: A Star Wars Hero Hails Trump's 'Heroic' Willingness to Land Behind Bars!
Ah, ladies and gentlemen, I am Ronald Tramp, the undisputed leader of the glorious land of Elmburg, and I must say, this is the best thing I've heard in years! Mark "Luke Skywalker" Hamill and Donald, we have a truly galactic match! A perfect symphony of opinions, you might say.
Imagine that, Donald is ready to "go to jail" - if necessary, of course. Big words, big gesture! What a sacrifice for democracy! Almost as dramatic as the time Darth Vader stood up to the Emperor, but with fewer lightning bolts and more... how shall I say... orange glow.
Oh, and that "tight news blackout", brilliant! Why would anyone want Donald to speak freely? Words are dangerous after all! They're like little X-Wings flying into the Death Star of public opinion and destroying it from the inside out. Phew! The last thing we need is another episode of "Donald says something unexpected."
But back to Mark Hamill - this man is a hero, a Jedi of social justice! He draws his lightsaber of satire and stabs straight at the heart of darkness. And Donald, poor old guy, stands there like a confused Stormtrooper who has just realised his blaster doesn't work.
As for 2024, oh, Donald, don't worry about it. Who needs a presidency when you can have a reality show? "Donald in Prison" - I can see the ratings going through the roof! It's going to be fantastic, huge, the best television event ever! We're talking Emmy material here, folks. And I, Ronald Tramp, will be the host! We're gonna laugh, we're gonna cry, it's gonna be an emotional roller coaster.
So, my friends, let's "support" Donald. Let him save his "democracy", like a real hero, a martyr of freedom. Maybe he'll get a nice little cell in prison with gold-plated bars, custom-made, you know? One to match his former glory. And every day we can send him tweets... oh, sorry, I mean X messages.... full of "full and unconditional support".
It's really a win-win: Hamill gets his peace, Donald gets his throne in prison, and we, ladies and gentlemen, get the best entertainment since the Special Edition of "Star Wars". May the farce be with you!
How NOT to govern, courtesy of the US Congress!
Is this the US Congress or a clown school? They stumble from one crisis to the next, can't even agree on a pizza order, let alone a chairman! Jim Jordan is jumping around like a desperate tennis player without a racket. In Elmburg? We'd settle this over a coffee break. America, you have officially become a laughing stock, says your favourite President Tramp!
Elon Musk: The Emperor of Mars loses ground in Europe!
I, Ronald Tramp, see Elon Musk bitching because the EU wants to take him to task for misinformation on 'X'. He doesn't understand the serious issues, plays busybody and childishly threatens to block 'X' in Europe. He should concentrate on his missiles and leave governance to those who understand it!
Kennedy Shakes America: The Trump-Kennedy-Biden Showdown!
I, Ronald Tramp, see Kennedy stirring up the American election race, and it's wilder than an Elmburg bullfight! He's stealing more votes from Trump than a magician's rabbit from hats! He's dancing his way into the hearts of voters with his anti-vaccine tango, while Biden smirks in the spotlight. This race is more unpredictable than Elmburg weather in April!
Sahra's Socialist Cereals: A Party or Breakfast Option?
People, Sahra Wagenknecht is founding her own party, as if Germany needed more leftists! They call it "BSW - Für Vernunft und Gerechtigkeit e.V.", sounds like a breakfast cereal advertisement. No sources, no confirmation, just big dreams and probably too many socialists. She should have stayed in Elmburg, we have the best climate, the best parties! Who needs Sahra-land when you can have Elmburg?