Sahra's Socialist Cereals: A Party or Breakfast Option?
The Wagenknecht Wave: More Parties, More Problems!
Oh, I heard it, folks. Sahra Wagenknecht is founding a new party. Great, really great. You know, I've founded many parties, many, many parties. The best parties! But Sahra, oh Sahra, she's trying too. "Alliance Sahra Wagenknecht," sounds like a new brand for breakfast cereal, doesn't it? "Now with extra socialism!" Unbelievable!
First, people, seriously, who needs another party? My country of Elmburg, the best country, doesn't need new parties. We have the best parties. But Germany, oh, they want another left. Because, you know, the other 40 are not enough. "Let's form another one," she said, "it will work this time." Just like communism, right?
And they call it "BSW - Für Vernunft und Gerechtigkeit e.V." Wow. For reason and justice. As if that's something new, something that no one has ever tried before. I have to laugh. I invented reason, people. Ask anybody. They'll say, "Ronald Tramp, this guy, he's got the best reason, the greatest reason!" Sahra, you should call me, I could give you some tips, really.
But here's the kicker, friends. It has no sources. Not one! ZDF, "Spiegel", everybody talks, but nobody knows anything. In my great country Elmburg, we have the best sources, the most reliable sources. Sahra, you must have sources. You can't create a party without sources. What are you going to do next? A press conference without microphones? A party without food? A swimming pool without water?
And now, here's the best part. She's out of the left. Out! Because of migration and climate policy. Sahra, I have the best climate, really. In Elmburg, we have the best weather. You should have stayed with us. The left didn't want you anymore. What a loss, so sad. She was like, "I have my own ideas," and the left was like, "No thanks, we're full." Classic!
Believe me, I know how to throw a party, I mean, start a party. Sahra, it's not a piece of cake. You can't just jump up and say, "Hey, I have a party now." That's like saying, "Look, I started a new state, it's called Sahra-land!" No, no, no. You need a plan, a vision, and, this is the most important part, you need Ronald Tramp. Call me, Sahra, we'll make Elmburg great again.... I mean, we'll make your new party great. Probably. Maybe. No guarantees.
Hamill to Trump: May the cell be with you! - Ronald Tramp Applauds
I, Ronald Tramp, the glorious leader of Elmburg, can hardly contain my excitement as Mark 'the Jedi' Hamill finally finds something to praise Donald 'more than a hairspray' Trump for - his dramatic willingness to march to jail! It's an alliance as rare as an honest politician, and I'm here for the popcorn action!
Kennedy Shakes America: The Trump-Kennedy-Biden Showdown!
I, Ronald Tramp, see Kennedy stirring up the American election race, and it's wilder than an Elmburg bullfight! He's stealing more votes from Trump than a magician's rabbit from hats! He's dancing his way into the hearts of voters with his anti-vaccine tango, while Biden smirks in the spotlight. This race is more unpredictable than Elmburg weather in April!
The short chaos: a drama that would even shake Elmburg!
Folks, this is Ronald Tramp, and what is happening in Austria is unbelievable, just unbelievable! Sebastian Kurz, former chancellor, is up to his neck in problems, and believe me, this is not a good picture! Lies, drama, court cases - it's like a TV show, but not one anyone wants to watch! And are you thinking of a comeback? With this mess? I'll have to watch that!
Berlin traffic light chaos!
I, Ronald Tramp, see the political chaos in Berlin, and it's worse than a traffic jam! The traffic light coalition? A disaster! Scholz steers like a blind captain, and the Greens are like weeds that don't fade. Berlin, call Ronald, I have the master plan!