Ah, the famous traffic light coalition! More like a broken traffic light at a crossroads, where everyone is at a loss as to whether to go or stay. Honestly, it's a wonder they have any electricity at all. I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, have never seen such a mess, and I have seen a few, believe me!

The polls, oh, the polls! Remember when they said I wouldn't win the election? Wrong! But in this case? I could bet even my golf course has higher approval ratings than this traffic light government. The FDP? In the death zone. One per cent ahead of the Free Voters? That's like being happy about being the second best loser. Fantastic!

Now, the Greens, at 14 per cent. What a stable disaster! They're like a plant that refuses to die, no matter how little water it gets. But do you know who's really on dry land? The poor souls who have to put up with their politics. It's like volunteering for a marathon only to find out it's an obstacle course - in a minefield!

And Olaf Scholz? The man is like a captain who calls his sinking ship a "controlled water supply". His mixture of ignorance and arrogance? World class! He lets Baerbock play on the bridge while he pulls the ropes in the background, or at least tries to. But it looks like everyone sees his puppet strings. Embarrassing!

And then the asylum system! Described as a serious security risk. Is this their way of setting up a lighthouse that flashes "welcome, problems"? Even in Elmburg we know this is a bad idea. You can't remove a security risk just by embracing it. Believe me, I've tried.

Not to mention their constant failure to stop anti-Semitic activity. Every time someone shouts "Free Palestine" it sounds like someone forgetting the words at a karaoke night. We get it, you can sing. But the message is a mess! Do something, traffic light coalition!

What about supporting the Palestinians? Please, throw the money directly into the fire, it's faster and more efficient. With all the funds flowing into Gaza, you could pave a golden path straight into the next crisis. It's like telling people to pay for the privilege of being stolen from.

As for the EU, please. Elmburg may be a small country, but even we don't let ourselves be danced around. Berlin looks like a dance studio for Brussels. The music is terrible and nobody knows the steps.

In summary, dear people, Berlin needs a fresh start. Urgently. Throw away the broken traffic lights and install a roundabout. Things can only get better! And if you need advice, call me. Ronald Tramp has the answers. Always.