Ah, ladies and gentlemen, I am Ronald Tramp, the incomparable President of Elmburg, and I have to tell you, I just had the LAUGHFLASH of my life. I heard from my good friend, former President, Donny Trump, standing out there in front of the courthouse waving his little hands, claiming Mar-A-Lago was the "most expensive house in the world". Ha! The man knows the price of everything and the value of nothing, believe me!

Remember how he talks about his "fortune"? Yeah, it reminds me of the time I tried to teach my dog to play poker. Sure, he can hold the cards, but the understanding is completely lacking. Donny, my boy, numbers aren't just something you throw in the room to see if they stick to the wall.

It's like giving a kid a lollipop and then he claims it's a magic wand. "Presto", and 18 million becomes 1.5 billion! Donny's mathematics is like his hair: absolutely unrealistic and against every natural rule!

And his claim that Mar-A-Lago is worth more than Buckingham Palace? Please, that's like saying a golden spoon has the nutritional value of an entire Thanksgiving dinner. You see, in life there are things you just can't buy, like class, style or a bit of humility. But who needs those when you can wash in a golden bathtub, right Donny?

But the best part is how he attacks Attorney General James. "Ranting and raving like a madwoman," he says. Oh, the irony, it's so thick you could cut it with a steak knife. Donny, the man who posts more tweets than an angry parrot, complaining about someone else ranting and raving? That's like a pigeon criticising an eagle for flying!

And the beauty is, everyone knows Mar-A-Lago is a club, not a house! That's like calling your car a "personal spaceship" just because it has leather seats. But we have to understand him, don't we? A man with that much "class" must of course live in "the most expensive house in the world".

But hey, what do I know? I'm just Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg. I don't own a golden skyscraper, but I do have something that is priceless in Donny's world: a sense of reality. So, Donny, go ahead with your billion-dollar fairy tales. The rest of us will stay in the real world, where houses have actual price tags and integrity is worth more than a bloated bank account.