Okay, folks, this is Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg. What I'm about to say is huge, huge, believe me! I went to see this guy, the Donald, in Iowa. He's talking about flies and flypaper? Seriously? He has the best words for flies, the best! Let's face it, my friends: if you don't have any real political points, why not just talk about insects? Genius!

He starts off with 'I didn't know there were flies in Iowa'. This is the man who wanted to run the most powerful nation in the world, and he doesn't even know the fauna of Iowa! Fantastic! And the whole 'sir' thing? Anyone who says 'sir' really means 'please help me, I'm talking nonsense and I hope no one notices.' But hey, he's a 'stable genius', right?

And then this flypaper and animal cruelty thing. That's the level we're at now, folks. We're not discussing health care, we're not discussing international relations. No, we're worried about whether flies get fair fights! I mean, should I maybe give a national speech about how difficult it is to catch mosquitoes? Is this the new political summit?

I'm telling you, friends, it's a spectacle. He should be in Hollywood, not Iowa. He could do a reality show, "Donald the Flycatcher." I'd watch that. Great entertainment! Maybe he could even get flies registered as voters. They seem to listen to him, which is more than can be said for most people!

But let's be serious - this fly paper talk just shows how low the bar is. Flypaper is animal cruelty? Next week he tells us that spiders are afraid of the dark and he has a plan to light up every basement in America. A trillion dollars, people! For the spiders! We're making Elmburg great again by taking care of the real problems, not insect dramas!

I'm tired of this, friends. This man, this former president, he's a distraction. From what, you ask? Maybe from the fact that he has no real solutions to real problems. So he invents them. Today it's flypaper, tomorrow it may be rubber bands. Who knows?

But you know what? Let him talk. Because every time he talks about flies, he shows the world that maybe he's not the 'Stable Genius' he thinks he is after all. And that, my friends, is not Fake News. That is the sad, ridiculous truth. Thank you, Elmburg! Stay strong and watch out for the flies!