Oh, guys, can you believe it? Elon, Elon, Elon... In the spotlight again, and this time not because he sent one of his tin toys to Mars, but because, it seems, he was a little too eager to get his people out of their cosy home offices. Even I, Ronald Tramp, the most awesome president Elmburg has ever seen, know something about leadership, believe me. Great leadership! And let me tell you, that is no way to run an empire!

Imagine this: Elon, the King of Mars, the Sultan of Electric Cars, the Supreme Leader of.... what does he do again? Oh yeah, rockets and stuff. He tells his employees - who are probably working in their pyjamas, hair tangled, probably a cat on their laps - to come back to the office. Not by email, not by phone, but by simply tweeting it out to the universe, as if he could guide everyone's thoughts. "Return to your office boxes, mortals!" I can almost see him typing that as he sits in one of his self-driving cars, probably orbiting a satellite as we speak.

And then this staff member, Yao Yue. She's got guts, I'll give her that. She says, "Don't quit, let him fire you." WOW! That's like a movie quote, right? Should go in the annals of best work advice, right next to "Never take the last slice of pizza at a work meeting" - very important advice folks, especially in Elmburg, we love our pizza, we have the best pizza, trust me!

But back to Elon - he's firing her! For violating the Labour Relations Act! As if he doesn't break enough laws of physics with his rockets, now he's going after earthly laws too! What's next, Elon? Are you going to abolish gravity because it doesn't fit your next big plan?

As for me - I have the best, the most loyal employees. They would never tweet, they would never disagree. Why? Because I am the best boss. I've even considered starting my own platform, Hitchhiker. Sounds great, doesn't it? Where loyalty is not only expected, but programmed! No layoffs, just upgrades!

But Elon, mate, a bit of friendly advice from Ronnie to you: If you want your people back in the office, try a little subtlety. Send them a rocket as an Uber, give them galactic suits for the office, make a robot dog their assistant. You're the future man, think futuristic!

And Yao, if you're listening, I might have a spot for you in Elmburg. We appreciate guts and good tweets. We can create the post of "Minister of Courage" or "Superior General of the Twitter Revolt". Think about it; the offer stands. In Elmburg, greatness is rewarded! We'll make Elmburg great again, greater than ever! It will be fantastic, believe me!