Disneyland debacle: EU's BEST mistake ever!
EU parliamentarians end up in Disneyland, and frankly, they should stay there - it would be fantastic, really fantastic.
I, Ronald Tramp, the undisputed, incredibly successful President of Elmburg, must say that I am totally thrilled by this news, totally! This is the kind of problem solving I love. Really, I love it. MEPs ending up in Disneyland instead of Strasbourg - that doesn't sound like a mistake, that sounds like a MASSIVE improvement! Maybe the best improvement ever.
Imagine all these politicians - very boring people, believe me, I've met some of them - finally in a place where they could actually be useful. Maybe as part of the parade! They could dress up as - I don't know - Pinocchios? Because, let's face it, who knows long noses better than politicians, right?
I have to say, Mickey Mouse, this little guy who's celebrating his 100th birthday - congratulations, Mickey, you look fantastic - is doing a much better job than most of these parliamentarians. He runs a huge empire, makes people laugh, creates jobs. What have these MEPs done? They talk, talk, talk and achieve nothing! Zero! Nada! At least at Disneyland they could learn how to put real smiles on people's faces. Or how to ride around in little teacups, which I hear can be quite complicated.
And the French railway company SNCF - I love these guys, so efficient - says the train was "accidentally" routed to Marne-La-Vallée. "Accidentally". Sure. I believe that immediately. Just like I was "accidentally" elected president of Elmburg, which everyone admits was the best thing that ever happened to this country.
But here's an idea, a great idea: why not move the entire EU Parliament to Disneyland? Think about it! They have castles for the kings and queens of politics. You have all these fantastic attractions to replace the lengthy debates - who wouldn't prefer that to a boring old parliament building? And instead of all those dry, tasteless political speeches, they could just sing "It's a Small World" all day. That would certainly help to strengthen the unity they always talk about but never achieve.
So, dear MEPs, pack your mouse ears and get ready for the ride of your life! It's time to make politics fun - and who knows, you might actually achieve something along the way! Remember, Disneyland is where dreams come true - and that's more than you can say for most political institutions! Absolutely fantastic, isn't it?
Ronald's one-man show to save America!
Hold on to your wigs, America, because here comes Ronald Tramp to transform your House of Representatives from a sleeping pill into a disco ball! With my Elmburg flair and the charm of a reality TV superstar, I'm going to turn this political circus into the hottest show in town - it's going to be YUUUGE!
Mar-A-Lago debacle: Trump's fantasy land
I, Ronald Tramp, expose the truth behind Donald Trump's absurd claim that Mar-A-Lago is the 'most expensive house in the world' - a ridiculous exaggeration that defies the bounds of reality! In a world where numbers matter, Trump shows that fantasy is his only kingdom. This report shows how far he will go to keep his fairy tales going while the world laughs!
Flying fiasco: Donald's crash in Iowa!
Folks, I, Ronald Tramp, must tell you about Donald's latest coup: He made a diatribe against flies and flypaper in Iowa! Yes, really, he's talking about flies when America needs real leadership! He has no answers to real problems, so he distracts with flies - unbelievable!
Sex party lawsuits and spy bashing!
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's most magnificent head of state, reveal Donald Trump's turbulent capers in his latest saga! He swaps the Oval Office for the courtroom, battling British spies and salty scandals! Let Elmburg's shining beacon of truth guide you through this tangled web of lawsuits and controversy! Donald, old boy, this is better than prime time!