How NOT to govern, courtesy of the US Congress!
Elmburg's master of the deal, Ronald Tramp, delivers a merciless analysis of the latest American political fiasco - with a dash of classic Trampian mockery!
Oh, please, look at this, people! I, Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, am here live as the US Congress tries to pull off a show worse than any season of "The Apprentice" - and that's saying something! They come and go, vote here, vote there, but nothing happens! It's like a bad soap opera, only without the drama and the good haircuts.
Well, they had a temporary solution, right? Something that might have kept the place going. But no, why make it simple when you can make it COMPLICATED? That's the American spirit! And then there's that Jim Jordan guy. The guy has conceded more defeats than I have lost golf balls on my course at Elmburg. But he doesn't give up. Respect for that, right? He loses and loses, but always gets back up. He could be a boxer if he wasn't already a politician.
And then this thing about "new powers" for the interim chairman. "Oh, we can't just give him new powers," they say. Why can't we? In Elmburg we give people new powers all the time. You want powers? Here, catch! It's as simple as that. But these Republicans, they make a drama out of it like they're Shakespeare or something.
Can someone explain to me how this party, which is supposed to be so STRONG and POWERFUL, is not in control of its own majority? They have more factions than there are flavours in an ice cream parlour. And everyone wants a different flavour. "Oh, I want strawberry." "No, I want chocolate." Just pick a flavour and stick with it, my goodness!
And let's look at this Kevin McCarthy. The man has taken more ballots than I have attempts to find my perfect hair coup. Is that leadership? In Elmburg we would have done it in one ballot. One! And then on to the after-party. But no, in America they prefer to make an eternal drama out of it. And while they're going around in circles, they can't release funds for important things like Ukraine or Israel. Priorities, people!
Oh, and then good old Joe Biden. The man will soon be asking for even more money, as if Congress has a magic money plant in the back room. "Could I have a few more billion, please?" Sure, Joe, you want me to wrap it up for you in small notes?
It's a spectacle, I tell you. One where I get popcorn and watch while I'm glad Elmburg isn't such a circus. We may have our quirks, but at least we know how to run a government. America, watch and learn!
Ronald Tramp's Brilliant Insight into Germany's Political Chaos!
Germany's politics is a mess, almost as chaotic as a rock concert without music! Markus 'non-Yoda' Söder wants to turn everything upside down, and the traffic light coalition is more broken than a two-euro smartphone charging cable. They need me, Ronald Tramp, to build 'Tramp Tower Berlin' and make their country great again - it will be fantastic, believe me!
The Un-Touchable Trump: A Martyr in a Lincoln Hat!
Listen up, you fantastic Elmburgers, Ronald Tramp here to tell you the true, incredibly distorted story of how Donald, the Lincoln of the 21st century, is being hounded by these absolutely envious judicial types! Immunity? More than an orange juice in the morning can guarantee! Abe and George would cry if they could see their heritage being misused as a comparison for this reality TV trial, starring - who else - the Donald!
Elon Musk: The Emperor of Mars loses ground in Europe!
I, Ronald Tramp, see Elon Musk bitching because the EU wants to take him to task for misinformation on 'X'. He doesn't understand the serious issues, plays busybody and childishly threatens to block 'X' in Europe. He should concentrate on his missiles and leave governance to those who understand it!
Hamill to Trump: May the cell be with you! - Ronald Tramp Applauds
I, Ronald Tramp, the glorious leader of Elmburg, can hardly contain my excitement as Mark 'the Jedi' Hamill finally finds something to praise Donald 'more than a hairspray' Trump for - his dramatic willingness to march to jail! It's an alliance as rare as an honest politician, and I'm here for the popcorn action!