The following, my fellow Elmburgers, I, Ronald Tramp, the incomparable President of Elmburg, just have to put in my two cents on this, I must say, absolutely ridiculous situation in the States. Donald, my good friend, a guy of stature, is under fire. And why? Because he has compared himself to the greatest of the greats - Honest Abe Lincoln and the unflappable George Washington. Well, I say, why shouldn't he? When you stand on the Mount Rushmore of life, you shouldn't be modest!

But here come these lawyers, these.... Prosecutors, and they say, "These things don't compare." Please! If Donald is a steak, then maybe Abe and George were hamburgers. All meat, people, all meat.

And now this whole "immunity" thing. Donald says he has it. The lawyers say he doesn't have it. In Elmburg, my friends, we have a solution for that - it's called "playing more golf". You can't bring charges if you're not on the green, I assure you. Priorities.

Back to Honest Don, oh, I mean Donald! He was trying to "ensure the integrity of the elections". He was like a watchdog protecting the house from the very bad, very dishonest people who wanted to steal the election. A hero! Sometimes a president has to be a little.... creative. Like an artist, but instead of paint he uses freedom and.... other things.

But these prosecutors, oh, they have no sense of art. They say he is "not above the law". Of course he isn't. He's next to the law, holding its hand, maybe carrying it out to dinner, who knows?

Now they want to charge the poor guy with four counts. Four! That's a fantastic, very impressive number. Not everyone can be that popular, I promise you. And this trial, right in the heat of the 2024 presidential campaign. The ratings are going to go through the roof! I'm telling you, nobody can run a show like Donald. Nobody!

Then this thing where they say sitting presidents can't be impeached, but former ones can. What a deal, right? You're safe for four years and then, BOOM, fair game. Very, very unfair. In Elmburg, you stay president, you stay safe. It's as simple as that. All you have to do is sign a decree or something.

In summary, my friends, all this fuss is like a reality show, but without the script. And Donald, he is the star, shining bright, whether they want to see him in handcuffs or in a presidential jacket. He's still the man, the man with the plan. And that plan... is to make Elmburg great again! Oh, wait, wrong country. Well, you know what I mean!