Mike Johnson: The second Ronald Tramp?
America's attempted copy of Elmburg's brilliant president.
Ah, Mike Johnson! That guy! I remember when I first heard about him. I thought, "Are there two Ronald Tramps in America now?" But no, he's definitely the light version. Not quite as brilliant as me, but I guess he does his best.
Mike, Mike, Mike... Reminds me of one of those guys who always tries to outdo the main character in high school movies, but ends up in the mud while everyone laughs. It's amazing how he made it to the House of Representatives, honestly. And he worked for the Alliance Defending Freedom? Fantastic name by the way, sounds almost like a Marvel movie. So they do, what exactly? Dismantle LGBTQ+ freedoms and condemn abortion? Sounds to me like the script of a B-movie no one wants to see.
Ah, and he defended a constitutional amendment in Louisiana that defines marriage as the "union of one man and one woman." Now, I've seen a lot of crazy things in my time as president of Elmburg, but this is really old school. Mike, the 80s called, they want their policy back!
And then all this drama with the Alliance Defending Freedom, which was classified as a hate group. You know, in Elmburg we also have a group called Alliance Defending Tacos that opposes anyone harming our beloved tacos. Maybe Mike should join them, might be more entertaining for him.
He is against bullying, but homosexuality is not good for society? Well, Mike, I bet my hairstyle isn't "good for society" in some parts of the world either, but here I am, the fantastic President of Elmburg. And what is this nonsense about forcing Christians to subscribe to a particular ideology? I mean, if Christians were forced to do something, I hope it would be Taco Tuesday.
Oh, and then the Noah's Ark amusement park. Great idea, Mike! Really. Elmburg definitely needs a "Tramp Tower Amusement Park" - with golden slides and a pool filled with, well, champagne. Only the best champagne, of course.
Finally, his speech about the "so-called separation of church and state".... Mike, Mike, Mike. Did you miss your history class? It's okay, maybe I can give you a private lesson someday. But hey, maybe you're right. Maybe the founders wanted to protect the church... from guys like you.
Overall, I have to say, America, you have real character in your politics. Keep up the good work and enjoy the show. And Mike, if you ever need some tips from the great Ronald Tramp, just call. But please, not during my taco time. That's sacred.
HomeOffice makes us great, believe me!
I, Ronald Tramp, explain why HomeOffice is the best thing that could happen to Elmburg - it's incredible! Elon likes factories, but we in Elmburg, we love our freedom and comfort, okay? Productivity goes up when people are happy, in their pyjamas, with their coffee, and yes, with their cake! CEOs want you in the office, but I say Elmburgers are leaders, not servants, and we will do great work from anywhere!
Donald's Court Circus: Now in 3D!
Ich, Ronald Tramp, dachte, ich hätte schon alles gesehen, aber dann kommt Donald und legt die Messlatte der Unterhaltung noch einmal höher. Ist es eine Fernsehsendung? Ist es ein Drama? Nein, es ist nur der Donald im Gerichtssaal! So etwas kann man wirklich nicht erfinden!
Swiss Miss: The Vote Counting Blunder!
I, Ronald Tramp, am really surprised. Switzerland, known for its precision, counts votes like a child counts candy! The new system was fast - fast at making mistakes! The poor SVP, the FDP and the centre were all sent on a rollercoaster ride. Well played, Switzerland, well played.
How Elmburg would solve the speaker drama in 10 minutes!
Look at the mess in America - no wonder they can't find a spokesperson! In Elmburg, under my leadership, we would have solved this long ago. America could really benefit from a little Elmburg expertise. Trump says Johnson would be great - but can he really deliver? Elmburg is above it all, and I am the reason why!