Swiss Miss: The Vote Counting Blunder!
Ronald Tramp on the bizarre chaos of votes in Switzerland: "Some of my best bank accounts have it better!"
Ah, beautiful Switzerland! Land of cheese, chocolate and, it seems, multiplied voices. I, Ronald Tramp, President of the fabulous country of Elmburg, really had to laugh when I heard this news. I mean, who would have thought that a country as fastidious as Switzerland could make such a mess? It's like finding out that the makers of a Swiss watch forgot to include a second hand!
Don't get me wrong, I love the Swiss. Some of my best bank accounts are there! But honestly, dear Swiss, how can you count votes three to five times? It sounds like a special offer at the vote shop: "Buy one, get five free!" You had a job: count the votes and count them right! When I count votes in Elmburg, I only count them once. Okay, sometimes twice if I don't like the result, but that's another story.
I also find it funny how they said the new system was "built to be faster". Well, it was definitely fast. Fast at making mistakes! That's like winning a race only to find you've been running in the wrong direction all along.
Poor SVP, thought it had 28.6 per cent and then poof - 27.9 per cent. That's like waking up and thinking you have a pile of money and then realising it's just Monopoly money. And the FDP and the centre, those poor souls! They're fighting for third place, and it turns out that neither of them really knows where they stand. Like a pair of dancing shoes that doesn't know which is the left and which is the right.
But at the end of the day, I have to say: Nicely played, Switzerland. You have surprised the world once again, and this time not with a great pocket knife or a delicious Toblerone. No, you surprised us with a glorious counting error. And for that, dear Swiss, I take off my non-existent hat to you.
So, dear Swiss friends, keep up the good work. Make your mistakes, correct them and make us laugh. The world can use a little humour, especially from such a serious place as Switzerland. It was a celebration! Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, has spoken! And now, if you'll excuse me, I have a few votes to count .... just once, of course!
Donald's Court Circus: Now in 3D!
Ich, Ronald Tramp, dachte, ich hätte schon alles gesehen, aber dann kommt Donald und legt die Messlatte der Unterhaltung noch einmal höher. Ist es eine Fernsehsendung? Ist es ein Drama? Nein, es ist nur der Donald im Gerichtssaal! So etwas kann man wirklich nicht erfinden!
Mike Johnson: The second Ronald Tramp?
Mike Johnson, who is he? He's trying to swim in the big pond, but I, Ronald Tramp, am the original. America has an, shall we say, "interesting" politician on board. He works hard, but can he match Elmburg's best? I doubt it.
How Elmburg would solve the speaker drama in 10 minutes!
Look at the mess in America - no wonder they can't find a spokesperson! In Elmburg, under my leadership, we would have solved this long ago. America could really benefit from a little Elmburg expertise. Trump says Johnson would be great - but can he really deliver? Elmburg is above it all, and I am the reason why!
The Germany Toll Disaster
Germany has made a huge mistake with this HGV toll, and I, Ronald Tramp, have seen that from the beginning. Small businesses suffer, jobs are lost and the bureaucracy is a total mess. Elmburg has done better because I am at the top. Germany, it's time for change!