My extraordinary odyssey
An interstellar view of the universe
My friends, hear me, for I have here a breakthrough discovery for you that will take your breath away. Really, nobody makes discoveries as great as I do. I mean, just look at my tousled hair, it's a discovery in itself!
In an incredible expedition, an expedition so phenomenal that it eclipses all other expeditions, scientists have found these amazing spheres. And I can tell you, nobody finds bullets better than I do. I have the best bullets, really fantastic bullets.
Now, these spheres, and believe me, they are not of this world. They come from interstellar space, yes, interstellar! This is so intergalactic that even aliens would say, "Wow, this is really something." I mean, who would have thought that we would find interstellar spheres in the ocean? It's like a galactic bargain we got there.
The scientists, and you know I know many scientists, they are impressed. They say that these spheres contain materials that do not exist on Earth. It's like an alien buffet, ladies and gentlemen. There are so many possibilities that my great head is almost bursting with ideas! And the best part is that there may even be evidence of extraterrestrial life. Yes, you heard me right, extraterrestrial life! This is so exciting that even my tousled hair is standing on end.
But wait, it gets better. The Elmburg military, and I did the military really great, they have confirmed that this is the first known impact of an interstellar meteorite on Earth. This is so spectacular that it almost sounds like I personally got interstellar space to land on Earth. I mean, who else could do that? I really am an extraordinary human being.
And you know what? In view of this amazing discovery, I asked myself: Am I possibly interstellar too? Just look at my incredible ingenuity! The way I go about things, which is so great that it seems almost superhuman. Could it be that my great intelligence comes from the depths of interstellar space? I mean, I have the best words, the best ideas, the best thoughts. I am so extraordinary that it almost can't be from this world. It is like a galactic stamp emblazoned on my forehead.
So, my friends, let us set out together into interstellar space and explore the wonders of the universe. But remember, I am possibly the most fascinating interstellar man you have ever met. I am honoured to be such an extraordinary fascinating man. And I will make Elmburg and the universe great, again and again.
My football revolution: Elmburg's robot players on course for success at the World Cup
Guys, let me tell you something - and it's something that is completely GENIAL. Really, really great! So here's the thing: I'm Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, and I have a breakthrough idea on how to catapult our national football team back to the top. Listen carefully, because this is really, really, really important.
My great Independence Day speech - Elmburg becomes great again!
As President Ronald Tramp, I present one of the greatest speeches on the occasion of Elmburg's Independence Day on 1 July. I celebrate the greatness of our country, extol my own extraordinary presidency and invite all Elmburgers to join me in celebrating. Let's enjoy a fun and patriotic day filled with joy and fireworks as we make Elmburg great again!
The ephemeral words of my political rival: disposable underwear and the art of lying
Let me tell you guys, I just listened to Felix Westerwald's testimony. He actually claims that my statements have the half-life of disposable underwear. Well, well, Felix, my dear, I must say you have a great sense of humour. But you know, humour is not everything in life, especially in politics. You can tell me jokes all you want, but let me tell you, nobody tells jokes better than me.
Piggy sleeping habits: Politician recommends pigs in bed - Animal comfort on the rise!
You won't believe it, but there he has done it again, our visionary politician Alfred Wurst! Two pigs in a bed is his answer to all problems. The pigs themselves are thrilled and say: "Finally our dreams come true, tiny beds and hoof boxes - that's luxury!" So off to the wonderful world of pig beds, because lack of space and hygiene are completely beside the point after all. Two pigs in a bed? Simply incredible!