Tramp's Absurd Escapades: My look at the turmoil in June and July 2023!
President Ronald Tramp reveals with a twinkle in his eye his thoughts on the crazy happenings and bizarre ideas that shook Elmburg and the rest of the world during the summer.
My dear Elmburgers,
I just have to tell you about the crazy things that happened here in Elmburg - and I tell you, you will love it, really, really love it. Look here folks, the North Sea was cold, but then the "Fremantle Highway" came along and thought, why not bring a little warmth? So it turned into a huge bonfire, with nearly 4,000 cars on it - some of them electric, extra sparks included! If that's not hot, I don't know what is.
And then, my friends, we had a beastly identity crisis here in Berlin. Berlin thought it could do with a bit of lion roar, but what did they get? More of a wild boar grunt. I mean, really, who would have thought? Berlin, you were lucky - literally.
But you know what? I had just made Elmburg great again when I heard about this hyper-speed tube. The brightest minds said it was the fastest thing ever. But I asked myself: why should I be so fast? I'm already great enough, guys, really.
And then, oh my God, the Carrera revolution! Forget old-fashioned Formula 1, it's overrated, expensive and not my thing. The future? Carrera cars! Yes, I've asked the best experts - the best, really - and they all say so. It's so brilliant, guys, you can take my word for it.
Now, listen up, Elmburg will have the best internet - 1000G! An internet connection where your data will fly, faster than ever before. Sceptics will say it's impossible, but you know what I say? Elmburg will soar above the other countries, really.
And then, oh yes, Radio Runde Hamm! The best radio station in the universe, folks. Believe me, I've been looking. There is simply no radio station like it. Radio Runde Hamm is so great that even the aliens will listen!
Well, here's the best part: Elmburg's robot footballers conquer the World Cup. I came up with this brilliant idea, my friends, and let me tell you, they are on the road to success. Robot football is the future, and I always knew it.
But hey, I also gave a great Independence Day speech. I mean, I'm the president, of course it was great. I praised Elmburg, praised myself and invited all Elmburgers. What a speech, really.
And then, my extraordinary odyssey through the universe! I found interstellar wisdom, like orbs feeding my magnificent mind. Really, it was like a buffet for my mind. Believe me, I could talk about it for hours.
Oh, and those ephemeral words from Felix Westerwald. He compared my statements to disposable underwear. Well, Felix, you don't get it. My words are timeless, they will outlast history - just like my great presidency.
And last but not least, Alfred Wurst and his pigs in bed. I mean, who needs problem solving when we can have pigs to make our dreams come true? Ingenious, isn't it?
Well, my dear Elmburgers, that's it for today. Remember, I'm Ronald Tramp, and I make Elmburg great - over and over again. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Barbecue on the North Sea: "Fremantle Highway" invites unexpectedly!
The "Fremantle Highway" decided to bring a little warmth to the cold North Sea and unceremoniously turned into a huge bonfire. With an impressive load of almost 4,000 cars - some of them electric (extra sparks included) - the question remains: Was this perhaps the fieriest ship party ever or simply a maritime misfire?
Lion roar or wild boar grunt? Berlin in an animal identity crisis!
When the big city calls, the wild answers - or at least that's what they thought. After an epic "Lion" search, it turned out: Berlin had less "The Lion King" and more "Schwein gehabt".
Hyper-speed ride: The adventure Elmburg will never forget
I was just about to make Elmburg great again when I heard about this hyper-speed tube. People said it was the fastest thing ever. Many, many smart people said that. But listen to me - I thought, why not even faster? Why not even better? Why not ON the tube instead of IN the tube?
The Carrera Revolution: Elmburg's new racing era!
Formula 1? Old-fashioned. Expensive. Overrated. Everybody says it, folks. I've talked to a lot of experts - the best, really - and they all say that the future of motor racing lies in Carrera cars. Yes, you heard me right! Carrera cars!
The internet revolution: 1000G internet for Elmburg!
President Ronald Tramp announces plans to provide Elmburg with a groundbreaking 1TB per second internet connection. Despite sceptical voices, he claims that this is the best Elmburg has ever experienced, elevating Elmburg above other countries with only 5G.
Radio Runde Hamm: The best radio station in Elmburg and the universe!
Guys, guys, guys, I have to tell you something! You won't believe it, but I have found the absolute best radio station in the entire universe. There is no station that is even close to being as great as "Radio Runde Hamm" in Elmburg. I tell you, this station is simply fantastic!
My football revolution: Elmburg's robot players on course for success at the World Cup
Guys, let me tell you something - and it's something that is completely GENIAL. Really, really great! So here's the thing: I'm Ronald Tramp, President of Elmburg, and I have a breakthrough idea on how to catapult our national football team back to the top. Listen carefully, because this is really, really, really important.
My great Independence Day speech - Elmburg becomes great again!
As President Ronald Tramp, I present one of the greatest speeches on the occasion of Elmburg's Independence Day on 1 July. I celebrate the greatness of our country, extol my own extraordinary presidency and invite all Elmburgers to join me in celebrating. Let's enjoy a fun and patriotic day filled with joy and fireworks as we make Elmburg great again!
My Extraordinary Odyssey: An Interstellar View of the Universe
My extraordinary odyssey through the universe! I have discovered groundbreaking orbs - interstellar, of course. These extraterrestrial pearls of wisdom are like a buffet for my magnificent mind. And you know what? I could be interstellar myself, because my genius seems almost out of this world. Join me on this fascinating journey through space and time, because I am the intergalactic man who makes Elmburg and the universe great - over and over again!
The ephemeral words of my political rival: disposable underwear and the art of lying
Let me tell you guys, I just listened to Felix Westerwald's testimony. He actually claims that my statements have the half-life of disposable underwear. Well, well, Felix, my dear, I must say you have a great sense of humour. But you know, humour is not everything in life, especially in politics. You can tell me jokes all you want, but let me tell you, nobody tells jokes better than me.
Piggy sleeping habits: Politician recommends pigs in bed - Animal comfort on the rise!
You won't believe it, but there he has done it again, our visionary politician Alfred Wurst! Two pigs in a bed is his answer to all problems. The pigs themselves are thrilled and say: "Finally our dreams come true, tiny beds and hoof boxes - that's luxury!" So off to the wonderful world of pig beds, because lack of space and hygiene are completely beside the point after all. Two pigs in a bed? Simply incredible!
Swiss climate protection law: A nice try, but I would have done it more grandly!
Although they now have a climate protection law, of course I would have done much better. Get rid of oil and gas heating? Ridiculous! Support businesses? Always! Cute interim targets? Pah! 100 percent in 100 days would be my motto. CO₂ storage? Science fiction! Nuclear power? More efficient than renewable energies! By the way, Germany is also making such a climate protection circus, but no one can be as efficient as me. So, enjoy your climate protection law and remember that nobody is better…
Edda: The pug who was too expensive for his paws!
Imagine you owe the city a bit of dog tax. Nothing big, right? Wrong! Edda, an innocent pug, was seized and put on eBay like an old sofa. As if that wasn't enough, he wasn't even in top condition! Follow this hair-raising adventure of Edda, who hopped from a cosy dog bed to a lawsuit.