Putin's successor: Why not Ronald Tramp?
The best Russia could ever have - straight from Elmburg!
Ah, Ronald Tramp from Elmburg here! I'm sure you've heard of my humble little country, haven't you? No? Never mind, we'll carry on regardless.
You know, it's always amusing to observe how the big powers organise their policies. In this case: Russia. Isn't it amazing? One day Putin is hugging polar bears and riding half-naked on horses, the next day? Well, let's leave it at that. It's like making my Elmburgers dance in pink flamingo shorts on the beach at Elmburg. What? Elmburg doesn't have a beach? Well, that's not important.
Putin, my old friend. We're not really friends, but I've always liked to portray these things that way. He's getting older and the throne of Russia is looking a bit shaky. What if he suddenly decided to retire and learn to dance the Elmburg flamingo dance? Who will be the next big Russian star?
Medvedev? The guy who once acted as Putin's deputy? But wait! Didn't he also have that "too friendly to America" vibe? Yeah, I remember the "reset" initiative with the US. Funny, right?
Or maybe Dyumin? The saviour of Putin from the bear. I mean, how cool is that? I'd like a story like that too. I'll say I saved a butterfly once. It doesn't count? Okay.
And then we have Sobyanin. The man who turned Moscow into a kind of Disneyland. Really pretty! But banning LGBTQ+ parades? Well, I hope he doesn't have a plan to ban the flamingo dances of Elmburg.
Mishustin sounds like a quiet, unassuming bloke. But if Putin goes, this man could move to the top. He could play the "I-have-no-ambition" card and surprise everyone.
And then, Patrushev. He sounds so... Putin-y. A man after Putin's own heart? They probably even share birthday cakes. But, neo-Nazis in Ukraine? Come on, that sounds like an over-dramatised soap opera.
Honestly, if I had to choose (which I don't have to because I'm the president of Elmburg), I'd say it's better to choose the known evil. After all, Putin is predictable in his unpredictability. But hey, if he were to go, why not elect someone like.... Ronald Tramp? I'm ready to rule Russia!
But joking aside, or not, politics is a crazy game. In Elmburg we have our own crazy theatre. I'm going to go and practise my flamingo dance now. Cheers!
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