Ronald Tramp: The true master of politics speaks plain language
The Elmburg President's blunt opinion on Björn Höcke and the Thuringian AfD
Guys, I have to tell you something, and I'm really the only one who can say this, because I'm Ronald Tramp, the best president Elmburg ever had. Now everyone is talking about this Björn Höcke, the new star of the Thuringian AfD. This guy, seriously? He was elected with almost 88 per cent. I had much, much higher numbers in my elections, the best numbers, but that's just by the way.
Höcke wants to turn Thuringia upside down. He's talking about a 'deportation offensive' and a reform of the Office for the Protection of the Constitution. Hello, is there anyone at home in his head? And then this thing with the state media contracts - he wants to cancel them. Believe me, nobody understands the media better than I do, Ronald Tramp, but that's the wrong way to go. It's like kindergarten - if you don't like the game, you just take your toys and leave.
And now for the best part: the Office for the Protection of the Constitution says that the Thuringian AfD is right-wing extremist. I mean, if the Office for the Protection of the Constitution says that, there must be something to it, right? But Höcke, this unbelievable bloke, wants to reform the Office for the Protection of the Constitution. Of course, why not fire the referee if the game goes badly?
This Höcke speaks of a 'reign of injustice'. Is the man laughing when he says that? I've seen so many things in my tenure as President of Elmburg, but this? This is comedy gold. And then this whole thing about barring the press from his party conference. I love the press, I really do. Nobody has a better relationship with the press than I do, Ronald Tramp, but what Höcke is doing is a disgrace. It's like saying at a football match: 'No, no spectators today'.
And let's not talk about his election chances. Höcke wants to become prime minister. I have more chance of being crowned King of England, and I'm not even an English citizen. The AfD could lead in the polls, but without a coalition? Forget it, that will never happen. In politics you need friends, and this man has fewer friends than a hedgehog in a balloon shop.
His 'fresh political start' sounds more like a political nightmare to me. We need real leaders, not storytellers. Höcke and the AfD are like a bad film that nobody wants to see.
So, let's be clear: Ronald Tramp, the most brilliant, incredible president of Elmburg, says 'no' to Höcke and 'yes' to democracy, freedom and the true way forward. Because at the end of the day, it's people like me who really make the world great. Believe me, I know what I'm doing. I am Ronald Tramp.
Tramp Triumph: The era of the greatest
Ronald Tramp here, the best president Elmburg ever had. I saved the economy, built the biggest wall and won all the international deals. My environmental policy is unique - more CO2 for happier trees. In education, I've raised geniuses, and my healthcare system is revolutionary. Remember, vote Tramp - because nobody does it better than me.
The GREAT disaster of X
As Ronald Tramp, the most brilliant president of Elmburg, I say: X is a complete disaster! Big companies like IBM, Disney and Apple are abandoning it faster than rats abandoning a sinking ship. Elon Musk, the rocket man, is failing miserably here - it's so sad, really sad. Advertising revenue is falling, and his responses to accusations of anti-Semitism? Simply disappointing. We in Elmburg would do things differently - bigger, better!
Ronald Tramp's perceptive view of Erdogan's Berlin rendezvous
As Ronald Tramp, the most brilliant president of Elmburg, I say to you: Erdogan's visit to Scholz in Berlin was like a political soap opera. Erdogan played the angel of peace for Gaza, while Scholz diplomatically defended Israel's right to exist. These two danced around the real issues - typical politicians! I, Tramp, would have spoken clear words, not half-hearted promises. Really, the world needs more Tramp flair and less political theatre!
Ronald Tramp's look at SpaceX's rocket rodeo: A fireworks display of failures
I, Ronald Tramp, the best president of Elmburg, tell you about SpaceX's 'Starship', the rocket that explodes more than it flies. Elon Musk, the 'Rocket Man', wanted to go to the moon, but only managed to terrify Texas. The environmentalists are beside themselves, but I say: bigger, louder, Trump-ier! The FAA gives the green light, but I say more show than go. I do big hotels, not big rockets - but I know when I see a disaster!