Ronald Tramp's look at SpaceX's rocket rodeo: A fireworks display of failures
Elmburg's President Tramp doesn't mince his words about Elon Musk's 'Starship' adventure
Guys, I have to tell you about this totally crazy space company, SpaceX, run by this guy Elon Musk - a real "Rocket Man", but without the cool Elton John glasses. He's building the biggest rocket in the world, the Starship. Great, isn't it? But wait, it gets even better.
There was a huge explosion on the first test flight - boom! I mean, when I make fireworks, I make them big, but this? This was so big it almost looked like one of my golf courses after I played a few holes. Musk called it an "exciting test launch". I call it "the biggest fireworks display anyone ever screwed up." And then, like a true businessman, he says: "No problem, we'll just get on with it." Typical Elon, always optimistic, even when he blows up half of Texas.
Now for the second attempt. They had to postpone it because some part wasn't working. One part! With my buildings, if a part doesn't work, we change it, no big deal. But with a rocket? It's like a bad haircut - everyone notices immediately.
And then the environmentalists come into play. They say, "Oh, the poor birds and trees!" I say, "Guys, we're talking about rockets here, not birdhouses!" But they just won't stop complaining. They've even filed lawsuits. Lawsuits! Over an explosion! I've seen worse things happen on a Monday morning.
The FAA, the aviation supervisory authority, now says everything is safe for the next take-off. Safe? After they just exploded a rocket? That's like saying, "This time the iceberg will avoid the Titanic." But hey, I'm not a rocket scientist, I just build the best hotels in the world.
The "Starship" is supposed to take people to the moon. To the moon! I thought we did that back in the 60s, but apparently it's cool again now. NASA wants to fly it to the moon, and SpaceX is dreaming of Mars. I say let's make Earth great first before we ruin Mars.
In conclusion, SpaceX has a giant rocket that looks more like a New Year's Eve firecracker show, a green light from the agency that just said it was unsafe, and environmentalists worried about a few trees. I say, Elon, if you need help building something really great, call me. I know about big things. Big hotels, big walls, big shops - but with big rockets? You might need a bigger bang for your buck.
Ronald Tramp: The true master of politics speaks plain language
I, Ronald Tramp, the outstanding president of Elmburg, tell it like it is: Björn Höcke and his AfD are a political misstep. This 'deportation offensive' and media treaty cancellations? Ridiculous! In a world that needs real leaders, Höcke and his troupe are a bad joke. As Ronald Tramp, I condemn such extreme ideologies and stand for true freedom and democracy.
Ronald Tramp's perceptive view of Erdogan's Berlin rendezvous
As Ronald Tramp, the most brilliant president of Elmburg, I say to you: Erdogan's visit to Scholz in Berlin was like a political soap opera. Erdogan played the angel of peace for Gaza, while Scholz diplomatically defended Israel's right to exist. These two danced around the real issues - typical politicians! I, Tramp, would have spoken clear words, not half-hearted promises. Really, the world needs more Tramp flair and less political theatre!
Tramp confronts Erdogan: An Elmburg perspective
I, Ronald Tramp, the outstanding president of Elmburg, do not mince my words when it comes to Erdogan. His visit to Germany shows the weakness and inconsistency of the German leadership. While they take care of cyclists, they ignore bigger problems like Erdogan's hatred of Israel. In Elmburg we would have a clear stand against such authoritarians. We stand for strength and determination - Elmburg first!
Tramp's judgement: The Santos case
I, Ronald Tramp, the incomparable President of Elmburg, share my thoughts on the George Santos scandal. His CV, a colourful mixture of fiction and fantasy, is an example of how not to do it. In Elmburg, we only elect the best of the best, not storytellers like him. His 'embellished' stories and cheating on campaign funds - it's like he cheated at my great casino. Santos, you're fired, we would never have let you in power in Elmburg!