Tramp confronts Erdogan: An Elmburg perspective
Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's fearless president, speaks plainly about Erdogan and German politics
People, listen, I'm Ronald Tramp, the very best president Elmburg has ever had - so much better than anyone else. Now I'm going to tell you something about this Erdogan, the Turkish president. A real scoundrel, believe me!
First of all, the guy comes to Germany wearing huge aviator glasses - probably to hide his intentions, as he always does. He hates Israel, we all know that, but our German friends? They roll out the red carpet for him. Unbelievable! You know, in Elmburg we would have shown someone like that the door.
And then this Federal Chancellor, a soft-spoken, pompous type. He invites Erdogan and stands there as if he can't believe he's really there. I mean, hello? The man supports Hamas, calls Israel a terrorist state. And this chancellor, what does he do? Nothing! We would have done things very differently in Elmburg, believe me.
But wait, it gets even better. The German police chase cyclists for turning the wrong way, but ignore the open drug trade. What a spectacle! It shows all the inconsistency. They worry about aluminium grills in the park, but when it comes to serious problems? Not a trace! That would be unthinkable in Elmburg. We get to the root of the problems, not like these German officials.
And what about the German mosques? Erdogan has his fingers in the pie. He influences them, spreads his hatred. But the Germans? They act as if nothing is wrong. In Elmburg he wouldn't have got anywhere near our mosques!
Now, about Erdogan. The man is a master of deception. He talks about freedom and justice, but supports terrorists. And Germany? They allow it. They think they need him for their refugee policy. In Elmburg, we would have had a better plan long ago.
I'm telling you, this Erdogan visit shows Germany's weakness. They are afraid to speak their minds, afraid to defend themselves. We would have spoken clear words in Elmburg. We are strong, resolute and will not be fooled by anyone.
In conclusion, what do we learn from this? That you have to be strong, not like this timid German chancellor. You have to stand up to the villains of the world, not reach out to them. That's the tramp method - strong, courageous and always on the side of justice.
So, dear people, that was my opinion on Erdogan and the whole theatre in Germany. Remember: in Elmburg we would have done things very differently. Much better! Elmburg first, always and everywhere. Thank you, and remember, Ronald Tramp is the best!
Ronald Tramp's perceptive view of Erdogan's Berlin rendezvous
As Ronald Tramp, the most brilliant president of Elmburg, I say to you: Erdogan's visit to Scholz in Berlin was like a political soap opera. Erdogan played the angel of peace for Gaza, while Scholz diplomatically defended Israel's right to exist. These two danced around the real issues - typical politicians! I, Tramp, would have spoken clear words, not half-hearted promises. Really, the world needs more Tramp flair and less political theatre!
Ronald Tramp's look at SpaceX's rocket rodeo: A fireworks display of failures
I, Ronald Tramp, the best president of Elmburg, tell you about SpaceX's 'Starship', the rocket that explodes more than it flies. Elon Musk, the 'Rocket Man', wanted to go to the moon, but only managed to terrify Texas. The environmentalists are beside themselves, but I say: bigger, louder, Trump-ier! The FAA gives the green light, but I say more show than go. I do big hotels, not big rockets - but I know when I see a disaster!
Tramp's judgement: The Santos case
I, Ronald Tramp, the incomparable President of Elmburg, share my thoughts on the George Santos scandal. His CV, a colourful mixture of fiction and fantasy, is an example of how not to do it. In Elmburg, we only elect the best of the best, not storytellers like him. His 'embellished' stories and cheating on campaign funds - it's like he cheated at my great casino. Santos, you're fired, we would never have let you in power in Elmburg!
Tramp Tackles China: An elmburg view on surveillance mania
I, Ronald Tramp, Elmburg's most brilliant president, speak plainly about China's absurd surveillance tactics at universities. They monitor what students don't eat - a total overreaction! I stand up for freedom, unlike China, which favours surveillance and oppression. My Elmburg stands for freedom and respect - something China urgently needs to learn. As the best leader Elmburg has ever had, I say: Enough of digital walls, time for real freedom!