Guys, I have to tell you about this absolutely crazy story - China, oh, dear China, has installed surveillance cameras at a university to find fasting students. Isn't that the top? I mean, we're talking about the country that built the Great Wall - obviously they still don't have enough walls.

But now they're doing it digitally, with Hikvision cameras. These Chinese are so obsessed with control that they now even want to monitor what you don't eat. I tell you, we would never do that in Elmburg. For us, it's about freedom, the freedom to eat what you want and - more importantly - the freedom not to eat if you don't want to!

And then this monitoring of book loans - what's next? Checking how long you sit on the toilet? I mean, come on, that's ridiculous. In Elmburg we have the best books, the best - I've written some of them, really great books. But we don't force people to read them - although they should, because they're fantastic.

But the worst thing is how they treat the Muslim minority. It's not just surveillance, it's oppression! In Elmburg we respect all religions. I have many Muslim friends, the best friends. They love me, they really do. But in China? They don't build bridges, they build walls. Digital walls. And real walls in Xinjiang. They talk about the Great Wall as a tourist attraction, but what about the invisible walls they build around the Uyghurs?

And then this company Hikvision - they say they have removed these features. Yeah, and I dyed my hair orange, of course. I mean, who buys that? This company is doing exactly what China wants because they know if they don't, there will be trouble. Big trouble.

We shouldn't ignore that. I'm telling you, if I were president of Elmburg - which I am, and I'm the best president there ever was - I would never allow surveillance operations like this. We have to be strong, people. Strong against China, strong for freedom. We can't let them get away with things like this.

In conclusion, I would like to say: China, stop it. Stop monitoring your students. Stop oppressing minorities. And to all Western companies that profit from this: Shame on you. You should be better. You should be like Elmburg, the best country in the world, with the best president - me. We eat what we want, we read what we want and we respect all people. That's how it should be. That's how I would do it. Because I am Ronald Tramp, the best president Elmburg has ever had.