Alright, let's trump this up a bit more, literally. I, Ronald Tramp, the fabulous, brilliant president of Elmburg - a country so incredible you've probably never heard it - will now tell you what the meeting between Olaf Scholz and Recep Tayyip Erdogan looks like from my awesome perspective.

First Scholz, the German chancellor. He's meeting Erdogan for dinner, and I have to say, I know something about great dinners - the best steaks, the best tables, the finest everything. But this dinner could get dicey. Erdogan accuses Israel of "fascism", and Scholz, the little fighter, says that's absurd. Absurd! That's a strong word, and I know what strong words are - I use them all the time.

Now for the main course: Hamas. Scholz calls them a terrorist organisation. That's like saying water is wet - obviously, people! And he says Israel has the right to defend itself. But Erdogan, that sneaky bloke, has a completely different opinion. He calls Hamas a liberation organisation. Wow, that's so controversial, so unexpected, so... Erdogan! I mean, I love being unconventional, but this is a whole new level.

Then, the guests: CDU leader Friedrich Merz says it's good that Scholz is meeting Erdogan. Rolf Mützenich from the SPD says the same thing. Diplomacy is like a game of chess, and I'm a master at it - but these guys, they don't play badly either.

And now for the best: the EU-Turkey migration agreement. It's about money and borders, and I know a thing or two about both - I've made the best deals, built the best walls. The EU wants Turkey to help stop migration and Turkey wants money in return. It's like a barter deal, and I love barter deals - they're fantastic, really fantastic.

Back to Scholz and Erdogan. Scholz says he will speak plainly. Plain language! I love plain language. I always speak plain language - the truth, directly and bluntly. But I ask myself, will Scholz really speak plainly? Erdogan is not an easy opponent, he is clever, he is tricky. He plays his own game and Scholz has to play along.

So what will happen at this dinner? Will it be a diplomatic dance, a game of words and looks? Will they be friends or enemies? I, Ronald Tramp, I would master it, of course. I would enter the room, order the best steak and show them how to make real deals.

This meeting in Berlin, it's like a big show, and I love shows. It's exciting, it's unpredictable, it's entertainment at its best. And I, Ronald Tramp, I'm sitting in the front row, watching and enjoying the show, because I know how to play the game - better than anyone else.