Ronald's "mini-money" monologue about Donald's dollar disaster!
When Elmburg's biggest star tacks on Trump's pocket money turmoil.
Ronald Tramp, the sensational president of Elmburg, reports here. Really, guys, I almost fell off my chair when I heard about this crazy story about the "other" Donald. I mean, is it Comedy Thursday or what?
First of all, this Weissman, sounds to me like someone who has spent too much time with law books and not enough time with real people. "Wrong message," he says. Yes, exactly! Because a $15,000 fine is as bad for someone like Donald as it is for me to lose a hair from my perfect Elmburg hairdo. Drama!
And Jen Psaki? I bet she spilled her tea when she heard that. I mean, why doesn't the media cover important things? Like my latest project, the gold-plated Elmburg Tower. But no, they're obsessed with Donald's little chit-chat problem.
Weissmann says Trump is "really good at creating power dynamics". Wow, congratulations, Sherlock! The next thing he tells us is that water is wet. I'm seriously considering giving him an award for that discovery.
And Neal Katyal, I think this guy's been watching too many crime shows. "Let's put Donald in jail!" he shouts. I just imagine Donald sitting in a prison cell ordering his steak. Medium rare, of course.
Then there's this Judge Chutkan who's giving Trump a gag order. I mean, what's next? Is he sentenced to silence in a library?
In short, dear friends from the distant internet, as the drama unfolds in the US, I am enjoying the sun, the freedom and the laughter here in Elmburg. And I wonder when Donald will drop by to get some tips from Ronald. It's just too good to be true. And remember: Elmburg first!
NRW, your IT is as leak-proof as a sieve!
NRW, you're sweet! One tiny hacker attack and everything collapses? In Elmburg? Never! Thanks to my brilliant leadership.
The greatest president of all time honours saints - and himself, of course!
I, Ronald Tramp, have understood All Saints like no one else, people! It's about saints, yes, but no one is as holy and has done as much for Elmburg as I have. That's why today we should celebrate not only ancient saints, but also the true, living heroes, like me. We may need a new holiday, the "AllerTrampigen"! Trust me, I know holidays.
The 'Undiscovered States of America': When Donny loses track!
Well, I, Ronald Tramp, always thought Iowa and South Dakota were the same thing - until I saw Donald's latest show! He turns every podium into a comedy stage and I just can't stop laughing. Who needs Google Maps when you have Trump's instincts?
Elon's Halloween flop: when technology meets tradition
Well, have you had another brilliant idea, Elon? Making the streets unsafe with glowing cars? Well, maybe a simple pumpkin would have been a better choice. Not every technical highlight is a Halloween hit. Sometimes traditions just can't be beaten.