Guys, I heard about this and I have to say, this is just HUUUGE! NRW, I love you guys, but your IT security? Total joke! These hackers probably thought: 'Let's check out the lightweights!' and bang! Hacker attack at "Südwestfalen IT". So sad, really sad. More than 70 customers affected - who would have thought it?

Communication via Internet? Kaput. Telephone connections? Sometimes down too. It reminds me of the time I tried to use a new mobile phone and it just didn't work. But guess what? I'm president! And it wasn't even my fault!

By the way, dear City of Siegen, Twitter was yesterday, now it's "short message service X". But I must say, well done with the quick info button for emergencies. A smart move! Soest district administration, you really are the best! Not fit for work, but at least honest. I respect that. Honest! And the thing with the vehicle registration offices and the foreigners' registration office... totally overrated, right?

The press officer Martin Reuther says "complete failure". Wow, sounds like my old golf course before I made it the best in the world. And the city of Plettenberg? On Instagram? So modern! 26,500 residents and all now waiting for a laptop to reschedule their appointments. Great technology!

Now for the good news! City of Recklinghausen says personal data is safe. Well, that's a relief! Almost as reassuring as knowing that Elmburg is run by me, Ronald Tramp.

And those Russian cybercrime thugs? Igor Olegovich Turashev, isn't that a friend of my friend Putin? Just kidding, guys! But honestly, who knows who is behind all this mess.

Then this fair Essen! Ransomware attack? Sounds like a cheap soap opera! But don't worry, purchased tickets remain valid. You can sleep soundly there, can't you?

Finally, I would just like to say, Südwestfalen-IT, you are not alone. There are so many who are under attack - from the Potsdam city council to Boeing. But you know what? That only makes you stronger. And if you need help, just call! I have the best people. The best!