Sunak's climate change: A stroke of genius or just golf?
I, Ronald Tramp, tell you why Rishi's decision is great, maybe even the greatest!
I, Ronald Tramp, the greatest president the wonderful land of Elmburg has ever had, have heard of Rishi Sunak's latest push. Oh, Rishi, Rishi, Rishi.... what a smart move, really! I mean, who needs climate politics when you can spend more time on the real issues instead? Like playing golf!
So the UK has decided to delay the phase-out of internal combustion cars from 2030 to 2035. That makes sense. It's a bit like a diet plan - why start today when you can always put it off until tomorrow?
And then he said that most new cars will be electric by the end of the decade anyway. He's got a point! Why even bother about it? I mean, if all my friends were going to jump off the bridge, should I? Well, if they were good businessmen, maybe!
I also heard that Rishi doesn't want people to change their heaters. That's a fantastic idea. I remember when I installed my golden heater in Elmburg, it was a wonderful day. Why would anyone want to rip out their beloved boiler to replace it with a heat pump? Sounds like a lot of work. And work is not what politicians are known for. Take my word for it.
The reactions? Well, Ford, the car manufacturer, doesn't seem happy. But what do you expect? They are used to building cars every day. Maybe they should relax and play a few rounds of golf instead. It sounds like they need a break.
But the really interesting part is that Boris Johnson, the former prime minister and a very good friend of mine - we played golf together a few times - disagrees with Rishi. Boris says businesses must have certainty about climate targets. Well, Boris, I love you, but maybe Rishi has a point? Why give clarity when confusion is so much more entertaining?
Finally, I hear Rishi says this has nothing to do with poll numbers. Of course it doesn't, Rishi. We politicians never do anything because of polls. We do it because we... um... well, I'm sure there's a good reason!
In Elmburg, we always follow a simple rule: if you're not sure what to do, just put it off. It has always worked for me! And I'm sure it will work for the UK too. So, keep up the good work, Rishi, and always remember: if all else fails, just play a round of golf! It will make everything better. Believe me!
Faeser's BSI drama: A masterpiece of politics?
I've always said that politics is a dirty business, and here we have the proof! Faeser and her BSI theatre - all because of a TV show? I, Ronald Tramp, got to the bottom of it all. The timing, the drama, it all smells like a big story! Elmburg deserves the truth!
Germany's work ethic: A smirk from Elmburg!
Germany, you are in sleep mode while Elmburg is flying in turbo drive (under my great guidance)! You have a shortage of skilled workers? In Elmburg we only have a shortage of bad hairdressers. Don't worry, I, Ronald Tramp, am here with my infinite wisdom to give you some pointers. You can thank me later (and you certainly will)!
"Elmburg Great Again!" - Because we are not London!
London has suspended 1,000 police officers? Here in Elmburg it would only be 999.5! While London stumbles, Elmburg shines like my hair coupe on a sunny day. We are not only good, we are Tramp-good!
Elmburgs größter Moment: Microsofts episches Scheitern
Guys, Microsoft really screwed up - 38 terabytes of data just gone! I always said this kind of thing doesn't happen in Elmburg. These big companies think they know everything, but obviously they don't. Elmburg will certainly stay under my leadership. I always make Elmburg great!