All right, my fellow citizens of Elmburg, let me try this again in proper satirical style like Ronald Tramp, President of this great country. Buck up good, because here comes the latest Republican "bombshell" about Joe Biden!

The Republicans have found something great, and it's a "direct payment" to Joe Biden from March 2018. Wow, this is just what they were looking for to link Joe to his alleged shady foreign dealings. But wait. The payment actually came from Biden's brother James, not some nasty Ukrainian oligarch or mysterious Chinese tycoon. And the check was described as a "loan repayment." How disappointing!

House Oversight Committee Chairman James Comer is disturbed that Joe Biden can't produce documentation proving he loaned his brother that much money. Oh, the idea of someone helping his own brother financially, how scandalous!

The Democrats claim that Joe actually loaned his brother money to help him out. But who wants facts when we could have speculative conspiracy theories instead? After all, 1,400 pages of bank records are much less exciting than wild allegations.

Democrats claim that Joe actually loaned his brother money to help him. But who wants facts when we could have speculative conspiracy theories instead? After all, 1,400 pages of bank records are much less exciting than wild allegations.

There are even pictures of checks and wire transfer records showing that James Biden paid back the money. But forget that, it's much more exciting to rely on irrefutable evidence. Who needs straight facts?

Comer doesn't believe Joe Biden made a loan to his brother, but it doesn't matter because James Biden was involved in shady financial deals that ultimately favored Joe Biden. Yeah, sure, because that's the most obvious explanation.

And you know, the same day that James Biden paid his brother back, he received an equal payment from a hospital chain. Of course, because his last name 'Biden' can open doors. Of course, that's the only reason people make careers in America!

It's as clear as coffee grounds reading that James and Hunter Biden have done things with their famous last name that some ethics experts consider corrupt or illegal. But let's not talk about how other politicians have profited from their names. That would be too easy.

It's as clear as coffee grounds reading that James and Hunter Biden have done things with their famous last names that some ethics experts consider corrupt or illegal. But let's not talk about how other politicians have profited from their names. That would be too easy.

Republicans are focusing on allegations that State Department officials say are baseless. But who needs proof when we have wild allegations? It's so much more entertaining!

Democrats are defending Joe Biden while Hunter Biden is in trouble. But we all know who the real star of this show is - Ronald Tramp! And maybe the Republicans really should elect a Speaker of the House instead of picking on the President's family members. But then where would the fun be?

On that note, my fellow Elmburgers, let's keep following these absurd stories and hope they don't blow our minds. Ronald Tramp says "Good night" and "Let's make Elmburg great again, one way or another"!