Well, well, my fellow countrymen, Ronald Tramp here from Elmburg, and I can assure you that this second televised debate of the Republican presidential contenders was a real firework of intelligence and substance. I mean, who needs clear policy ideas when you can argue about tiktok, right?

So there's Nikki Haley and Vivek Ramaswamy, leading in the polls but way behind our ever-beloved Donald Trump. Ah, Donald, who in his divine wisdom has decided not to show up. Why should he? After all, he has already climbed the Olympus of politics and his record is as spotless as a freshly mopped gold bar.

But enough about Trump, let's talk about the real stars of this debate: Tiktok! Should we ban it or use it in the election campaign? It's a question that's on the minds of the Republican big thinkers. Maybe they should debate Snapchat or Instagram next time. That would certainly make just as much sense.

And then we discovered these wonderful chameleon skills of Vivek Ramaswamy. In the first debate, he was still attacking everyone and acting like the smartest guy in the room. But in this round? Suddenly he is a mediator who doesn't see the real division on this stage. That's really impressive how he can change his mind from one minute to the next. A true master of political opportunism.

The other issues are also important, of course. The southern border and migration, consumer prices, education, China - all things that move our country. But who wants to talk about them when you can bash Trump? Chris Christie of New Jersey is right up front on that. He accuses Trump of dividing the country and talks about the national debt he left behind. But who needs financial responsibility when you have Twitter in your bag?

But there are bright spots. Nikki Haley actually has some concrete ideas on health care and the horrendous prices in the health sector. That's almost revolutionary in this round, where most candidates prefer to lose themselves in trivia.

And then there is the issue of foreign policy. Putin, the Ukraine, the Russian-Chinese alliance - a ready-made food for political discussion. Ramaswamy says that just because Putin is an evil dictator doesn't mean Ukraine is good. And that's where Haley gets upset. It's almost as if they've forgotten they're in a Republican debate and not on "Dancing with the Stars".

But at the end of the day, Trump is still the star. He prefers to tweet about cancelling the pre-election debates and speak in front of workers in a non-unionised auto parts factory. He has clear opinions about electric cars and the United Auto Workers, and he is not afraid to blame China for everything.

And then the highlight: the candidates are asked to write down who should drop out of the primary race. Only Christie names one: Trump. Yes, he has respect for the others, but Trump has divided not only the country, but families and friends. A heresy in the Republican Party, but perhaps a much needed one.

Well, my fellow citizens, this was the second televised Republican debate. A truly intellectual feast. I hope you had your popcorn ready, because this political circus show will surely have many more exciting chapters. Elmburg can be proud not to be part of this comedy show.