Well, my friends, here we are again, and let me tell you, we have a story so crazy that it seems to have come straight out of a satirical novel. I, Ronald Tramp, the fantastic President of Elmburg, will present to you this whimsical tale in my distinctive style.

So here we have Boris Johnson, former British Prime Minister and master of peculiar ideas. The man has acquired a mansion so large that it is beyond the budget of Elmburg. A listed mansion, people! But Boris wouldn't be Boris if he didn't think to himself, "Why not build a swimming pool?" A swimming pool bigger than the average land in Elmburg, of course. Some people might just build a little hot tub, but not our Boris. He wants a swimming paradise.

But brace yourselves, because here comes the kicker: an expert, yes, an expert, has expressed concerns. Concerns about the so-called "Northern Great Crested Newts". Do you know about them? Neither do I. But Boris is worried that these newts, if they exist, might fall into his huge pool. I mean, what are the odds that a great crested newt would decide to take a dip in Boris' pool? But all right, let's let that stand.

But Boris wouldn't be Boris if he didn't have a brilliant idea. He writes in the Daily Mail - yes, this man communicates via newspapers - that he is ready to build newt hotels. Yes, you heard right, newt hotels! I imagine it like this: tiny miniature hotels with tiny miniature beds for these mysterious newts. And maybe miniature spa areas so the newts can relax after they've had a spin in the swimming pool. Maybe there's even a Michelin star awarded by newt critics. That would be something!

But what I really wonder, my dear Elmburgers, is how great it would be if we could all live like Boris? If we didn't have to worry about expert opinions or protecting the environment, but could just implement our crazy ideas? If we thought about whether what we see really exists? Because who needs facts when you can tell a great story?

So, my friends, let us all be like Boris. Let us build huge pools and claim to care about mysterious creatures that may only exist in our imagination. Let us build newt hotels for the fantasy newts and continue to create our own reality. Because in the world of Boris Johnson, anything is possible, even if it is absurd. Let's create our own absurdly fantastic worlds and fill them with all the newts we can imagine. This is the true art of living, my friends!