Okay, folks, this is Ronald Tramp, the most incredible president the great land of Elmburg has ever seen. You might say I'm making Elmburg great again - EGWA! I want to talk about a man who thinks he's the king of entrepreneurs. The sultan of start-ups. The tsar of... whatever, you know what I mean. Elon Musk!

First of all, his rockets. Who needs that many rockets? He calls his company SpaceX. X for... what? X-tremely expensive? X-tremely unnecessary? X-act the same rocket that keeps exploding? "Oh, look, we're landing rockets," he says. Great, Elon, really impressive. But I have tons of rockets in Elmburg, the best ever. They don't even explode; they're just perfect. I call them "TrampX", X for "X-tremely successful".

And then this whole Mars thing. Mars, guys, can you believe it? "I'm going to start a colony on Mars," he says. A colony? Who wants to live on a red ball of dust? No trees, no water, no golf courses! Unimaginable! Here in Elmburg we have the best golf courses, believe me. Mars can't compete with that. If you ask me, it's a classic case of a real estate bubble! But I hear Mars candy bars are very good, maybe he should focus on that.

Let's talk about his cars. Tesla. They go "whoosh" instead of "vroom". Where's the fun in that? A real car needs a real engine, something that roars, something that smells like freedom and petrol! And he wants to make these cars autonomous. Autonomous! As if I would trust my life to a computer. Listen, I have the best drivers, everyone says so. They drive so well, they could win NASCAR at Elmburg if we had something like that.

Not to mention this hyperloop. Travelling in a tube? At supersonic speeds? Can you imagine what that would do to your hairstyles? I've invested a lot of time and money in my hair, people, and I'm not going to trust it to a supersonic hoover. No, thank you! We have trains in Elmburg, the best way to travel. They're slow, safe, and you can see the countryside. Beautiful!

Elon also talks about artificial intelligence, says it's dangerous. AI. The end of the world, Skynet, all that. Well, I have a calculator, and it's never tried to kill me. So it can't be that bad. I say let the robots come! We in Elmburg are not afraid. We have screwdrivers. We know how to pull a plug. No robot apocalypse here, no sir.

And then there's the name of his child. X Æ A-12. Sounds like a password for a WLAN I once had. How do you pronounce it? Exashatwelv? If the kid went to school in Elmburg, he'd have a proper Elmburg name, like Bob or Sue. Something to call out when dinner's ready.

But you know what the funniest thing is? Despite all his rockets and electric cars and Mars colonies, he still doesn't have his own golf course. Imagine that! Here in Elmburg we have the best golf courses. Maybe he should spend less time in space and more time on Earth, huh?

Overall, folks, I think this Elon Musk might be aiming a little too high. Too many ideas. He needs to relax, maybe take an Elmburgian holiday. We have the best beaches, the best hotels, the best golf courses. Everything a billionaire needs, but down to earth, like me. Ronald Tramp, the most humble president Elmburg has ever had.

Remember, Elmburg first! We're not impressed by rockets, robots or fast cars. We keep things real here.