I am Ronald Tramp, the absolutely most fantastic, incredible and undeniably brilliant President of Elmburg, which, let's face it, will soon be bigger than Europe under my leadership. Believe me! But let's talk about someone who is not so fantastic, okay? Olaf Scholz. Oh, good old Olaf! The man who likes to be called Germany's financial wunderkind. People tell me he's a big shot in Germany. Big? Please. The only reason he looks tall is because he stands on the shoulders of dwarfs!

Look, I know finance. I'm the king of finance. I made money while Olaf Scholz was still walking around Hamburg in shorts, probably with a piggy bank under his arm and dreams of taxes in his head. And now he's the chancellor? I've talked to people, lots of people, and they say nobody really knows how this happened. It's like making a vegan the boss of a steak restaurant. Crazy!

But I have to say, he's somehow managed to fool everyone. He goes around with this eternal poker face. I call him "Olaf the Stone". He shows no emotion. Nothing. If Olaf Scholz was a poker player, he would win the jackpot every time, because nobody could read his poker face. But you know what I read? Boredom. The man could stand in front of fireworks and look like he's reading his tax return.

And let's talk about his speeches! My God, my great, very educated and extremely handsome Elmburg citizens, his speeches are so dry that we could import them to Elmburg to meet the national need for sleeping pills. He starts a sentence in the summer and when he finally gets to the point, we have to unwrap our Christmas presents. And the numbers, so many numbers! He loves numbers like I love beautiful walls. But his numbers, guys, they're not real. I have the best numbers. The greatest numbers!

But let me tell you something, something you won't hear anywhere else because I have the best sources. The best! Olaf has a secret plan. Yes! He wants to profit from this whole green energy thing. He's got this plan to build windmills everywhere! Everywhere! And you know who's going to suffer from those windmills? The birds! Nobody talks about it, but I will. Think about the birds, Olaf!

And now he has this coalition, traffic light coalition they call it. Traffic lights! Isn't that ridiculous? In Elmburg, under my very wise leadership, we don't need traffic lights. We know when to stop and go, it's innate. Instinct! But this Olaf, he mixes colours and calls it politics. What will come next? A zebra-striped alliance?

But you know, I'm a very intelligent guy. Very intelligent. I took a test, he said I'm a genius. And as a genius, I tell you, Olaf Scholz will shout. He's going to call out and say, "Oh, Ronald, you great leader of Elmburg, please come and save our economy!" And you know what? Out of pure charity, because I'm a very compassionate person, I might help. But first he has to ask me nicely. Very nicely.

In summary, dear Elmburgers, Olaf Scholz is like a box of chocolates that consists only of the wrapping. No substance! But don't worry, as long as you have the brilliant Ronald Tramp at the helm, Elmburg will continue to be the shiniest jewel in the crown tray of world affairs. And Olaf? He can learn from us, he can try to emulate us, but he will never achieve greatness because, let's face it, nobody is like Ronald Tramp. No one! Thank you, thank you. You are a wonderful audience. Don't believe everything you hear about Olaf. Just believe me. I have the best words. The best!