Okay, everybody hold your breath, get ready for a story so crazy it could only be told by me, Ronald Tramp, the best, most brilliant, and of course most humble president in all of Elmburg. Let's talk about Warren "I-have-more-money-than-taste" Buffet. Yes, this guy who apparently thinks that having billions in the bank means you should live like the last guy next door. So really, Warren, a little glitter never hurt anyone!

Here's the deal, friends: Warren lives in the same house he bought eons ago. He says it's "cosy" and "perfectly adequate." Come on, Buffet! You're not a middle-class caterpillar, you're a financial monarch butterfly! Your house should be a palace, with a fountain that spews Coke because you drink SO MUCH of it!

Speaking of Coke, the man is practically swimming in the stuff. If he keeps this up, he'll turn into a human Coke can. He could start his own soda water empire, "Buffet's bubbly water." He'd be a hit, huge, believe me!

And then his love of fast food. Warren, my dear, you're not a student on a tight budget living off ramen noodles! You could afford a personal chef every day to serve you exotic delicacies from all over the world. Why settle for burgers when you could have Beluga caviar? I mean, I love a good burger, but come on, you could own beef, man!

Now for the really crazy part: Mr Buffet is giving his money AWAY. On purpose! He calls it "philanthropic". Big word, I call it crazy! Warren, you shouldn't be funding charities, you should be investing in.... Tramp towers! They're fantastic, shiny, the best of the best! Your name could shine in neon lights, next to mine of course.

He also keeps talking about how he wants "tax fairness". He wants to pay MORE taxes. Isn't that the biggest joke? Warren, Buddy, the name of the game is 'pay less and keep more'. You're doing it all wrong. Let me teach you a little something about the art of the deal!

And finally, what's with this hobby of playing the ukulele? What are you, a beach bum in an indie film? Let's spice it up! Golden guitars! Fireworks with every chord! Make every performance an UNFORGETTABLE experience!

In conclusion, dear people, Warren Buffet is like a unicorn who refuses to ride his own rainbow. He has the money, the success, but he leaves all the fun aside! He could fly round the world in his glittering jet, but no, he sits at home and counts coupons. So, Warren, from one genius to another: Take a risk, friend! Buy an island, name it after yourself, do something CRAZY!

But deep down, despite all these antics, I know you're a good guy, Warr boy. Stay as you are... But maybe with a little more pizzazz, yeah? Elmburg is counting on you to bring a little more laughter into this world! So, go on, give away your money, drink your coke, but remember: a little Tramp's glitz and glamour never hurt anyone! We love you anyway, you crazy diamond!