Dear all, this is Ronald Tramp, President of the mighty land of Elmburg! You know, that small but beautiful spot between nowhere and somewhere. I'm tuning in today because I'm hearing about this Germany, and I can tell you, it's incredible, just incredible. Germany, a country actually known for cars that actually drive and beer you can drink, is under pressure. Putin, touts, traffic light spats - people, it's really beyond belief.

Get this: Germany hesitates on "Taurus" cruise missile. "What is the Chancellor waiting for, in God's name?" asks Marie-Agnes Strack-Zimmermann, and I ask, what is the Chancellor waiting for? Perhaps for a sign from above? Or for the problem to solve itself? It could work, but it might not.

Then there is the sociologist, Prof. Harald Welzer, who says: "You don't stop violent processes by increasing the use of resources." Does he really believe that? Come on, Prof, we all know that's not true! You stop violent processes by having a bigger stick than the other guy. It's as simple as that!

Now, the mayor of Schwäbisch Gmünd, Richard Arnold, he is worried about immigration. "This issue has the power to divide the country!" he says. And he is right! If you don't know who's coming in and going out, how can you know who's in and who's out?

But that's not all! ARD correspondent Julie Kurz says the Greens are in trouble and the refugee summits were just placebo events. Well, that's what happens when you think that talking solves all problems. Sometimes you just have to act. Sometimes you just have to say enough is enough!

"Pioneer" head Michael Bröcker says: "The refugee summits were placebo events!" And he is right! All for show and no results. When I say that, it's true, people, believe me.

The people of Germany want to see action! They want their streets to be safe. They want their children to be safe. They want their borders to be safe. They don't want tugboats, they don't want Putin, they don't want a traffic light spat. They just want to live, work, and have a beer now and then!

But who will give them that? The dithering chancellor? The squabbling traffic light coalition? The well-intentioned but ineffective peace plans? No, people, they need someone like me, Ronald Tramp, who knows how to get things done, who knows how to make a country great again, who doesn't hesitate, who doesn't dither, who acts!

So Germany, look at Elmburg, look at me, and learn! Learn how to solve problems, how to make decisions, how to lead a country! Then Germany will be great again, as great as Elmburg, as great as me, Ronald Tramp!

Well, and now back to reality, where unfortunately not everything is as simple as Ronald Tramp would like it to be. But one can still dream...