Tramp against Trump: Hurray for Elmburg's Juicy Justice!
Fraud Nightmare in America: How I, Ronald Tramp, Would Solve Trump's Chaos with a Splash of Elmburger Juice!
Dear Elmburgers, I, Ronald Tramp, the very greatest and most magnificent President this enchanting land of Elmburg has ever seen, stand here today to speak about the amazing, truly unbelievable events in this small, insignificant country called America. It seems that this Donald Trump who is trying to copy my wonderful name is in a bit of trouble. Oh, how sad, truly heartbreaking!
Imagine, folks, this Trump, this copycat, is on trial for fraud! The poor judges now have to put up with his wonderful hair day in and day out. They have ruled that he can be held liable for fraud. Of course, in Elmburg, the greatest country in the world, we would have settled all this much more efficiently - simply with an honest round of Elmburg chess, in which I always win, of course. Always!
Then this Judge Engoron - probably named after an obscure vegetable - ordered the cancellation of business certificates for the Trump Organization and imposed penalties on Trump's lawyers. Lawyers. In Elmburg, we would simply splash them with our national drink, Elmburg Juice. A refreshing, fruity justice, isn't it?
Now, dear Elmburgers, the icing on the cake: Trump is said to have inflated his fortune by a ridiculous $3.6 billion! That's just enough to rent Elmburg for an entire weekend, including all the trees, squirrels and the magnificent Ronald Tramp! And they want him and his little Trumpelins to pay back $250 million. In Elmburg, with our superior Elmburg maths, that would add up to exactly ... well, a lot of Elmburg juice!
Oh, the drama continues, my fellow Elmburgers! Some of the charges are time-barred. What a brilliant excuse! In Elmburg we have no statute of limitations because we simply do not age! We always remain young and glorious, just like me, Ronald Tramp!
In conclusion, my fellow Elmburgers, although this Donald the forger may not go to jail, rest assured that in Elmburg he would receive a lifetime supply of Elmburg juice. For here in Elmburg we are not only grandiose and spectacular, but also overly generous!
So, let us rejoice, dear Elmburgers, in our glorious land where cheating is just another word for "not yet caught" and where I, the great Ronald Tramp, will always be your radiant, fabulous and absolutely infallible President! Hooray for Elmburg, hooray for Ronald Tramp, and hooray for the inexhaustible supply of Elmburg juice!
VW's IT chaos: A digital guessing game
Dear Elmburgers, Ronald Tramp here! I'm telling you about VW's incredible excursion into the land of network confusion. They stumbled in their own tangle of cables, bravely searching for.... yes, for what, actually? In Elmburg we don't know such a cabaret!
Disaster in slow motion: Ronald Tramp clears up!
I, Ronald Tramp, shake my head and see it, people! Germany, you make sleepwalking your national hobby! When it comes to the "Taurus" cruise missile, you're on the fence, when it comes to border policy, you're a trembling deer in the traffic light. You need less Merkel slumber and more tramp turbo thrust! Get on my train of clear tones and make Germany awake, wise, and wonderful again!
Shutdown showdown: America's newest reality show!
I, Ronald Tramp, look on with amusement at the next drama in the USA - the shutdown showdown! Starring: disunited politicians abandoning their own citizens! Meanwhile in Elmburg? We enjoy our uniform bliss and count the days when our parks and museums remain gloriously open!
Elmburg Macht's Besser: The immodest secret of our success!
Things are happening in Elmburg, thanks to my brilliant leadership. While Liz and her 'mini-budget' threw Britain into chaos, Elmburg shines brighter than ever. Who knew running a country was so easy? Well, at least when you have me at the helm. Hurray for me and Elmburg!