Elmburg First! Always! Ronald Tramp leaves America in the dust!
How I, the Greatest President of Elmburg, Show the Children What Real Protection on the Internet Means!
I'm Ronald Tramp, the best president Elmburg ever had, really, nobody does it better than me. And here I am, glass of Elmburg juice in hand, talking about what's going on in the US. Freedom of speech, children and the internet - oh, what a mess!
You see, dear Elmburgers, I was reading this news from the USA and I thought I was reading wrong. These Americans and their love of "freedom", of that First Amendment. Child protection blocked because of freedom of speech, I could laugh if it wasn't so tragic!
I imagine them justifying it, "Yes, little Susie, you can't watch TikTok videos anymore because we adults like to express our opinions freely." That will certainly put the kids at ease, won't it?
And then the state of Montana, with its ban on TikTok, and that judge, Donald Molloy, what a drama! "Users, after all, voluntarily disclose their information on TikTok." Yeah, right! Like my grandson knows what that means when he uploads his latest dance. He thinks he's sharing joy, not his data!
I mean, these Americans, they say they love their kids, but when it comes to protecting their data, they throw it under the freedom of speech bus! If that's not the craziest thing I've ever heard, I don't know what is!
Here in Elmburg we also have freedom of expression, but our children have the right to grow up safe, protected from the dark corners of the internet. I can tell you, we do it much, much better.
In California, where they love to play the "progressive" state, a judge is also blocking the protection of children on social media. Look, I'm not a tech whiz, but I know that when kids are online, they need protection, they need boundaries!
You in America talk about progress, but I wonder: what exactly is "progressive" about stopping laws that are supposed to protect children? Here in Elmburg, we have hearts AND minds. I mean, look at me, I'm a genius, I'm stable and yes, a genius!
In the fall, California passed this supposed protection of children's privacy on the internet. They wanted to regulate how we deal with hate and extremism. But what about now? The big companies come in and it's blocked. It makes you wonder: who is actually governing? The politicians or TikTok and Co?
In Elmburg, the companies wouldn't even have the chance to take legal action against us. We would say: "Our children are worth more!", and that would be it. Simple, clear, safe!
If this is the "land of the free", as the Americans are so fond of calling it, then I am glad to be here in Elmburg, where we have the freedom to protect our children, no ifs, ands or buts. I'm Ronald Tramp, and I'm telling you: Elmburg first, always!
Trump's fantastic friend: Hannibal Lecter in the White House?!
Hold on to your plates, Elmburg! I, Ronald Tramp, present a delicate delicacy: Donald Trump finds a 'friend' in Hannibal Lecter, the gourmet of horror! In a political universe that could not be more absurd, Donald serves up a feast of ridiculousness. Put on your bibs; this is one satirical battle you can't miss!
The biggest job revolution the world has ever seen!
I, Ronald Tramp, the undisputed leader of Elmburg, bring you the simplest, most effective and breathtaking job solution ever. Forget Linnemann's ideas, they are a joke against my absolutely brilliant, revolutionary concepts that will take Elmburg to unmatched heights. I am the best the job market has ever seen and under my leadership Elmburg will be the shining star in the global business sky.
Ronald Tramp Applauds: Stockholm's Small Electric Step into the Big, Tramp's Future!
I, Ronald Tramp, see that Stockholm with its mini-environmental zone is trying to become a bit like majestic Elmburg, but of course we are light years ahead with our electric-powered unicorns and nitrous oxide-filled air! They are cute, those Swedes, with their attempt to save the world, but we in Elmburg, under my incomparable leadership, already did the saving of the world yesterday at lunch time! Nevertheless, a nice try, Stockholm, and if you need help from the undeniably best leader in the…
Tusk Tackles, PiS Pratfalls: Poland's Mega-Match from a Tramp's Perspective!
I, Ronald Tramp, have seen it: Tusk comes out of retirement and scores a touchdown while PiS gets stuck in the political pudding! A rollercoaster ride as Poland decides to get fed up with PiS' mishaps and vote for Tusk's triumph instead!