Oh, rejoice, world, for Ronald Tramp, undisputed and supremely humble leader of the magnificent Elmburg, speaks to you! Your electric eyes and ears may now receive the wisdom of Elmburg's first and most magnificent export - me.

That Stockholm thing, friends, is so sweet. They ban internal combustion cars from a piece of their city and then call it an "environmental zone". Almost as sweet as our Elmburg cucumber spread for the morning toasts. You see, in Elmburg - the jewel of the sustainable world - there our streets are not only zoned clean, but nationwide! Yes, we've converted all traffic to electric-powered unicorns. No kidding! Our unicorns, they blow rainbows into the air instead of pollutants, and that, dear friends, is pure magic.

Stockholm talks about "noxious exhaust" and "sick lungs". Here in Elmburg, all we have in the air is nitrous oxide - so that every day is accompanied by a steady, happy giggle. Our citizens not only have clean lungs, but also extremely happy ones. The happiness index shoots through the roof, I tell you!

And then this charming Alexander Stahle, who is so proud that they are creating the "first zone of its kind in the world". Applause, applause! But, dear Alexander, in Elmburg we have fourth, fifth and - brace yourselves - sixth grade zones! Sixth grade is so environmentally friendly that only thoughts are allowed to travel there. You think of a place and - bang - you're there. We have arrived here in the 25th century!

Well, the conservative camp in Sweden calls this "ideological symbol politics". I, Ronald Tramp, call it "antediluvian futurism". Here in Elmburg we don't export cars, we export the future! It's not for nothing that my face adorns the packaging of our biggest export: Tramp's FutureVision™ - glasses that allow you to see our spectacular future. This is not a symbol, this is reality!

Barcelona, London and now Stockholm.... They are all trying things out, looking for ways to protect the environment and fight climate change. They are sniffing the future while we in Elmburg are bathing in it. Don't misunderstand, it is touching to see how the small big cities are making an effort.

Dear Swedes, we applaud your neat attempt, and as you take these tiny, cute steps towards a cleaner city, remember: in Elmburg, we have already thought one step ahead. Our trees synthesise our food, our children learn in schools that float on clouds, and our spectacles show us daily how enviably brilliant our future is under my, Ronald Tramp's, leadership.

Yes, it is not easy to be constantly in the vanguard of the fantastic future, but someone has to do it. And as you, dear cities of the world, try to emulate us, we beckon to you from our bright, sparking, electric-unicorn-powered future. Be inspired by the majesty of my leadership - Ronald Tramp, your unelected yet shining leader into the future!

Keep your petrol engines, friends, and consider them antiques of a bygone era. Here in Elmburg, under my light-filled regime, we didn't reinvent the wheel - we just ditched it. And on this shimmering path to the future, all that remains for me to say is: you are welcome, world. Ronald Tramp has enough future for all of us!