Tusk Tackles, PiS Pratfalls: Poland's Mega-Match from a Tramp's Perspective!
From zeros to heroes and vice versa: Ronald Tramp doesn't mince his words!
Ah, folks, are you ready for a fantastic story? I, Ronald Tramp, President of the glorious land of Elmburg, have just heard about a truly "incredible" turnaround in Poland. For eight long years, the PiS party - more like Pain-in-Sanity, if you ask me - has been bumbling around there, and now? Phew, out of the way PiS, there's a new sheriff in town, and his name is Tusk. Donald Tusk. Good name, sounds familiar, sounds like a winner.
You know Tusk says it's the end of a "dark time". I say it looks like the lights in Poland have finally found a working switch after someone has been pulling on the PiS string for years. It's like you have a broken light bulb, and instead of changing it, you just paint a picture of the sun on it and claim it's daytime. But Tusk, oh, that guy is smart, he really turned the light on.
And the PiS, they're there, celebrating their "historic victory". Historic? Really? That's like spraining your ankle in a race, limping to the finish line first, only to realise you went the wrong way. Won three in a row, they say, but look at this now. They're standing there with a bag full of "majority" and it's full of holes. And their only friend, the Konfederacja? She says, "No thanks, we'd better pass." Tough, really tough.
But Kaczynski, this guy doesn't give up. "Hope", he says, he still has hope. Hope is great, really, I love hope. But you know what's even better? Majority. And he doesn't have that.
73 per cent turnout, the highest since the end of communism! I'm telling you, this is not voting, this is a rock band, and the fans have gone crazy. They want change, they want Tusk, and they don't want any more "PiS offers".
And the future course towards the EU, Germany, Ukraine - big things are coming up. Tusk is like a guy who cleans up an old, dusty house. He will open the windows and let in fresh air. PiS tried to fight a tornado with a broom when it came to Brussels. No wonder they were eating dust.
Finally, dear people of Poland, I, Ronald Tramp, would like to congratulate good old Don - Mr Tusk. The name stands for quality, I can assure you. And to the PiS: no hard feelings, but maybe it's time to rethink the "I" and "S" in your name. Maybe "Pause-in-Silence"? Sounds like a plan.
Elmburg First! Always! Ronald Tramp leaves America in the dust!
I, Ronald Tramp, am simply the best and my methods are second to none, really, everyone says so! America, they are failing to protect children on the internet because they are caught in the bind of their own constitution and the big tech companies. Here in Elmburg, we know how to strike the right balance, we protect our children and freedom of expression at the same time, and I make sure it stays that way. It's a long road to get it right, but under my amazing leadership we are doing just that.…
Ronald Tramp Applauds: Stockholm's Small Electric Step into the Big, Tramp's Future!
I, Ronald Tramp, see that Stockholm with its mini-environmental zone is trying to become a bit like majestic Elmburg, but of course we are light years ahead with our electric-powered unicorns and nitrous oxide-filled air! They are cute, those Swedes, with their attempt to save the world, but we in Elmburg, under my incomparable leadership, already did the saving of the world yesterday at lunch time! Nevertheless, a nice try, Stockholm, and if you need help from the undeniably best leader in the…
Messner vs. Mountain Whisperer: A Summit Excitement
I'm Ronald Tramp, and I'm telling you, this story about Reinhold Messner is absolutely incredible, guys. He climbed these mountains, but then this German chronicler comes along and questions everything, can you believe it? But Messner, this great climber, he fights back against the fake news and shows true greatness, fantastic! Guinness wants him back, but he says, "No, thanks!" - A hero story, just like we love them in Elmburg!
Let's make football honest again!
I, Ronald Tramp, must point out to the entire globe what is happening right before our eyes - FIFA, that "altruistic" organisation, actually believes it can fool us by awarding the World Cup to innocent Saudi Arabia. With its dazzling magic of rule changes and an impressive sense of "pure" football rather than human rights, FIFA is writing a fairy tale that would make even Cinderella's shoes come off. And while the stars dance in the shower of money, football is buried soundlessly under the…